Sara's Baby
by Myx Nyx
Summary: Sara has a lot of demons to banish and the clock is ticking. Can she do it alone? Does she have to?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: not mine!**

**A/N: Hey all! So, as promised here is my new fic! This one is going to be longer than my last couple have been, so make sure you get nice and comfy! **

**A few things to know about this fic; while it does eventually earn its M rating, you'll have to be patient for that. This is both a romance and family fic, but its also pretty dramatic and sometimes even funny. It is written in 3rd person, but every now and then (but maybe not every chapter) we get to look at it from Sara's POV. I will mark where it changes from one to the other.**

**As always, my fic is devoted to my wonderful fiancée Maggsie, without whom my inspiration lake would dry up and fade away. Thank you, angel, you're in my heart!**

**And with that, I will leave you all to it! Have fun! I really hope you love this story as much as I do. :)**

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"This is ridiculous!" Sara shouted. She was sitting up on the gurney with her arm held out to a young female paramedic. "It's a flesh wound, I don't need drugs. It doesn't even hurt that- ah! Shit!" Her face twisted in pain as the paramedic gingerly assessed the wound.

Standing beside her, Catherine knew that her colleague must be in serious pain for her to even admit it at all. She had just gone to the Tahoe for a moment to load up some evidence when she had heard Sara's shout, 'Suspect on location!' quickly followed by a gunshot from inside the house. Apparently, the suspect had returned to the scene via the upstairs window. Now, looking at her pale co-worker, Catherine both admired her bravery and cursed her stubbornness.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but regulations clearly stipulate that any gun shot wound-"

"I don't care what they stipulate, I don't want drugs! What is so hard to understand about that?" Sara was getting agitated now.

"Sara, why are you fighting her? It will take the edge off." Catherine was afraid for her co-worker and sometimes friend.

Sara just glared at her, "Never mind. Look, lady, can't you just tell them I have an allergy or something?"

"Ms. Sidle, you're losing a lot of blood, you may have nicked an artery. Can I please just give this to you?"

"_I_ may have nicked an artery? Are you sure it wasn't the bullet from the gun of that punk kid that may have nicked an artery? And no, you can't." She glanced at Catherine, "I have good reason, why don't you just get me to the hospital so they can get this bullet out of me and we can send it to ballistics?"

"Sara, for Christ's sake, you've been shot! Will you just let the girl do her job? You look about as pale as ice."

"No! I-" But before she could finish her sentence, she promptly fell back and fainted on the gurney.

"Oh thank God," muttered the paramedic. She strapped Sara in before she and another man hoisted her into the ambulance.

"Uhh…" Catherine looked around and then at the wounded woman. "Can I ride along?" she asked the paramedics.

"Sure. Hop in."

Riding in the ambulance was bumpy and loud. After about two minutes, Sara roused from her faint. She gestured towards Catherine, the blonde leaned down to hear her whisper.

"Cath, don't let them give me the drugs."

Catherine frowned, "Sara, the drugs will help you."

Sara shook her head, "Cath-" there was a moments pause and then, "I'm pregnant." And then she passed out once more.

Catherine sat there in shock until she saw the paramedics about to inject something into the IV connected to Sara. "Stop! Don't give her the drugs. She's uhh…" she stared incredulously at her unconscious co-worker, "She's pregnant."

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Pregnant.

"_Okay, Ms. Sidle, we've run your blood tests, and I'm happy to say that we have ruled out any incurable diagnoses." _

"_Good. So its just stomach flu? Maybe an environmental allergy?" _I knew I was bordering on babbling, but doctor's offices always make me nervous_, "Or stress? Because I read a study in the New England Medical Journal that said-"_

"_No, Ms. Sidle, its nothing like that. You're perfectly fine."_

I scoffed as I counted off my symptoms on my fingers._ "I've been throwing up, I have dizziness, mild tachycardia, migraine scale headaches, not to mention my energy level is hovering somewhere around zero- I am not perfectly fine."_

"_You're right, I apologize. Perhaps I should have said that your symptoms are completely normal given your condition."_

"_Condition?" _I didn't like the sound of that.

"_Yes, Ms. Sidle, you are going to have a baby. You're pregnant."_

The words hit me like a tidal wave. There was a roaring in my ears, my vision blurred, I forgot how to breathe.

I should have thought of it sooner, but I just never imagined…a baby? Me? There had to be a mistake. My first concrete thoughts were scattered. _I can't have a child, I'm not _meant_ to have a child, people like me don't have children. And for good reason._

Days past, nights past. I tried not to think about it. Any time I thought of being a mother, I invariably thought of my own mother. My father. The whole world crumbling down around me as it replayed in my head. The sickening screams, monstrous bellows coming down the hall, angry footsteps getting closer and closer…more than once I found myself rushing to expel whatever I had eaten that day and I knew it wasn't just the morning sickness.

It went on- for weeks. It was like something you can see out of the corner of your eye but when you look directly at it, it vanishes. I ignored it. I knew, rationally, that it wouldn't just go away. But that didn't keep me from wishing.

I couldn't be a parent. What kid would have me as their mother? Some people should be parents and some just shouldn't- I was the second kind. I wasn't the kind of person that ever got a happy ending- even if it was what I wanted. Maybe it wasn't fair or right, but I had accepted it a long time ago. Now suddenly I found my world on end.

Then the 'what ifs' began to come. What if I was a bad mother? Chances were pretty high that would be true. What if I couldn't support and provide for a child? What if there really was a murder gene? How could I bring a child into the world knowing what I knew?

The questions that ran through my brain, continued to run all the way to the hospital for my first ultrasound. I tried not to look at the screen. I didn't want to know. Even as the heartbeat, quick and steady, echoed through the room.

"_Alright, Ms. Sidle. Everything looks perfectly healthy and right on track. Looks like you'll be delivering in early January. Would you like to see your baby's first picture?"_

"_Picture?" _

I don't know how I made it to my car, but as I sat there and stared, something came over me. A baby. My heart thundered in my ears, but this time it wasn't from shock or fear. There was a baby inside of me. The thought struck me I traced the outline of the baby- _my_ child's head and spine. My shoulder's shook as the tears came down. I wiped them away before they reached the corners of my upturned mouth. My hand settled on my stomach.

I had never stopped to think of the good things. Before, I had never dared to dream about a happy life, a complete life, a life with the family I never had.Maybe this wasn't a condemnation or a life sentence. Maybe this was the chance to set things right. I could still hear my parents voices in my head, but they were muted and over them I could hear a different voice. Telling me things were going to be okay.

"We'll be okay," I whispered to down to my stomach. I looked at the photos again. "I promise, baby."

From then on, I was determined. _We_ would be just fine.

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**Okay, I know what some of you are thinking. That just because there's a baby, this will be some flaky, sappy story. But you would be oh so wrong to think that. This fic has a lot of substance. The baby is important and gets a title mention, but there will be a whole lot more to this than that. Just wait and see!**

**So, did you like it? Have I successfully peaked your interest? Don't forget to review- its always important, but its especially important on the first chapter. I really want your input, but I also love to just know that you're enjoying yourself and are looking forward to more. Cheers until next time! ~Myx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Why, hello you beauties! You pretty, pretty people! You have made me oh so very happy! I am grinning from ear to ear, really you are too good to me. Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews, I am truly content- you've made a tough week much easier to bear. Of course, if you didn't review, not to worry, you still have plenty of time! :D**

**So, because you were all so kind and generous with your words, here is an update. I was planning to only update once a week, but I thought I'd reward you as you have me- just don't get too used to it. :P **

**One of the biggest questions in your comments was who is the father of Sara's baby? Well, you will find out…but not this update. You will get the whole story very soon, just be patient!**

**Thank you again, and read on!**

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"_You a cop?"_

I spun around, surprised and then afraid. "_No. No, I'm a scientist._"

"_You have a gun."_

"_For protection only."_

He laughed. _"Won't help you now, will it?"_

"_Please. Don't shoot. I…I have a baby."_

"_Does it look like I care?"_

I turned quickly, my arms around my stomach, shielding it as I hit the ground. I felt the searing heat in my arm and I cried out. The cry brought me to my senses and I woke up to the stark walls and antiseptic smell that could only mean one thing. Hospital. I remembered now. The doctor had already spoken to me about the baby. There had been no fetal distress and no signs of trauma. I had been lucky- a few inches difference could have been disastrous for both of us. I felt relief run through my veins. Knowing we were both safe, I went thought about my next problem. Catherine.

Sitting back in the hospital bed, I closed my eyes as I unconsciously lay one hand over my abdomen. She knew. Its not like I had had any choice, I was forced to tell her by the circumstances. But now she knew and what did that mean? Would she tell everyone? She wasn't malicious- usually. It didn't seem like something she would do.

Of all the people that could have found out first, Catherine was my last choice. Truthfully, we had always had on again off again friendship, we could never seem to make it stick. I didn't want the baby to be one more thing she could lord over me. She was the senior investigator, she was beautiful when I would always be plain, she was better at all many aspects of the job- something she never let me forget, and she had more sway with Grissom, not that that bothered me so much anymore. But most of all, she was a terrific mother.

I knew I could never live up to that. If we were in a good place, Catherine would congratulate me. If we weren't, she'd probably laugh in my face. And despite everything, I really admired her, I wouldn't be able to take that rejection. I thought of her face when she saw me bleeding- she had been worried, then I thought of her arms around me as I began to grow dizzy and faint- she cared. Maybe Catherine knowing wouldn't be so bad after all, at least I had finally told someone.

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Catherine lay on her couch in the living room. She had been given the rest of the night off and Nick had offered to pick up her case. She had wanted to hold vigil in the hospital waiting room for Sara, but the doctor assured her that even after surgery, the brunette would be unconscious for several hours and there was really no point. So, after she had asked the medical team not to mention the baby to any other people who might ask about Sara, Catherine had gone home.

Now, having sent her mother home and put her daughter to bed, she had been staring at her ceiling for the last two hours. She guessed she must be in shock, she just wasn't sure what part of tonight's events had brought her there. Catherine knew you should be traumatized after having held your bleeding co-worker for half an hour while waiting for the paramedics. And she was.

Watching all that blood seep out of Sara and feeling it trickle down and drench her clothes. It had been awful. But Sara had been conscious and alert the entire time, cursing the bastard that shot her, and going on about the partial prints she was sure were now ruined. It had been kind of funny, actually.

And Catherine had surprised herself with how scared she had been for her younger co-worker. When she'd heard the gunshot, she had been so terrified that she had almost forgotten to radio in for help before running back into the house. In those quick minutes, her thoughts had surprised her.

Where was Sara? Was she hurt? Was she dying? She had to be okay. The strawberry-blonde was so frightened and overwhelmed that she had actually begun to tear as she searched the house. It seemed that even if she and the brunette didn't always get along, in her heart, Catherine cared for the brunette just as much as she did the rest of the team.

The shooting, her worry, holding Sara, watching the color drain from her face, and seeing her pass out on the gurney; those events were all wreaking havoc with her emotions. But they were all squashed out by three tiny little words looming in Catherine's mind. **Sara was PREGNANT**. Pregnant? Pregnant?! Somewhere in her brain, Catherine had to admit she had never even thought of Sara as someone who could _be_ pregnant. She just couldn't picture it.

The thought immediately shamed her. Of course Sara could get pregnant, have a baby, raise a child, and live to tell the tale. Of course she _could. _Catherine just couldn't see her wanting to. Sara was so devoted to her work. The redhead could barely find enough time for her daughter and babies needed twenty-four hour supervision. You couldn't tote them around to crime scenes or depositions or conferences.

Even if Sara weren't so involved at work, she had such a pessimistic outlook on life. Why would she want to bring a baby into a world she thought was out to get you, where humanity and common decency were dead? _Now, there's a thought. Maybe she doesn't want the baby. Or at least, didn't plan it. _Did she want the baby now? Catherine tried to imagine what a child of Sara's would be like.

She laughed at all the things that child would not be allowed to do. Cafeteria food, contact sports, cookie dough, after-school programs, Disney movies, hotel rooms- all out. Scrapes, cuts, colds, broken bones would all be treated with over-medication and long, informational speeches on the injury sustained. The kid would be totally paranoid of the world.

But, Catherine had to admit, Sara would love her child more than anything in the world. She had seen often enough the way the brunette admonished suspects and victims who failed to provide fully for their children and love them with all of their hearts. Sara could and would certainly do that.

_Damn!_ All of this thinking was giving her a headache. She decided to lay out all the evidence she had in her head and draw a logical conclusion as to what the next step should be.

_Sara's having a baby. Sara just got shot, and she is going to have a baby in about four months. She hasn't told the team, and as far as I know, she isn't seeing anyone. If she's not seeing anyone, either the father doesn't know, or he does and doesn't want anything to do with it. Either way, things are about to get a lot harder for her and she doesn't seem to have a lot of people around to help her._

_Sara doesn't know about babies. At least I don't think she does. And though, she says she's not good with children, I know for a fact that that's not true. I've seen her with a bunch of kids on cases and I've seen her with Lindsey- she's actually great with kids. But, babies are definitely different from kids. There are tons of things to do for babies, they're hard, and unless you've been around them or have someone to show you how to take care of them, they are amazingly hard._

_If Sara is raising this baby alone, then the team is the closest thing to a family she has. At least in Las Vegas. And I am the only other woman on that team, the only parent, and the only one with experience with babies. Nick has nieces and nephews, but that just means he gets to do the fun stuff- maybe he had to change a diaper or two. No, I'm really the only one here who can help her._

And Catherine was surprised to realize that she did want to help the other woman. She did want to support Sara and make sure that everything worked out well for her. The redhead also wanted to use this opportunity to change and, once and for all, solidify their friendship. It suddenly seemed very important to her. Being colleagues was no longer enough.

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**Ooo! Being colleagues is no longer enough! Will friends be enough? Probably. I think they would be perfectly happy with weekly bowling games and the occasional movie night. Who really wants to read about Cath/Sara romance anyway?** **You do? Oh, then you know what to do…REVIEW!**

**Oh, and everybody check out my profile- new and improved! Ah, what boredom can empower us to do. ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Howdy, y'all! Once again it is time to thank you for your magnificent reviews- I love to see what my long-time readers think and I am always happy to get new reviewers! Just don't think that gets you out of reviewing future chapters- I like 'em how I like my men; long and covered with cheese…wait…that's not right…I'll work on it.**

**In any case, here is chapter 3, early once again, because you are such wonderful people! **

**Oh, and on a side note, quite a few people asked about the fact that Sara isn't 'showing' after five months, and the answer to that is that women begin to show at all different times- some at two months, some never show at all. Typically it starts between three and five months, but since when has our girl Sara been typical? ;)**

**Okay, go on, read!**

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Ten hours after arriving at the hospital and one exhausting surgery later, Sara was sitting up in bed, a book on her lap and a straw in her mouth. Catherine stood quietly in the doorway and watched as Sara drained her smoothie with loud unladylike slurps.

"Hey there." Catherine eventually announced her presence.

Sara's head snapped up. For a moment she said nothing. "Hey…" She looked uneasy and worried.

"How you feeling?"

Sara closed her book and set aside her empty cup, "Fine. I mean, sore, but I always thought getting shot would hurt a lot more."

Catherine grinned, "Tough girl, huh?"

Sara gave a weak smile and then looked away, "Look, about what I told you last night…"

Catherine held up her hands, "Sara, I didn't tell anyone."

Sara's shoulders sagged in relief; she lay back on the bed, "I guess you have questions."

The blonde smiled gently, "About a thousand. But only a few pressing ones."

She sat on the edge of the bed. On some level she knew that this was a breach of Sara's personal space and that she really should have just taken the chair, but she was angling for information. If she had to push the borders of Sara's comfort zone with her, so be it.

"What are the pressing ones?" Sara took a deep breath to keep herself from getting defensive.

"Umm, the first question would be when you planned on telling the team. The doctor says that you are nearly twenty weeks. You should be showing soon, if not already."

There was just a touch of hurt along with the confusion in Catherine's voice, and Sara's eyes dropped to her fidgeting hands. "I hadn't exactly figured that out yet. I'm still not sure how to deal with it." She pulled at the blanket covering her legs.

Catherine sighed. "Alright, well since the surprise is sort of gone for me, why don't we practice? If you're more comfortable, maybe things won't be so weird when you have to tell the boys or ask Grissom for maternity leave."

Sara looked up at her, surprised, "I'm not taking maternity leave."

"Sara." The older woman rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"What was your plan then? Take a shift off, give birth, send the baby off to college and be back in time to pull a double?"

"No." Sara protested, looking away again, but not offering up exactly what her plan was. Catherine was starting to get the feeling that she didn't have one. _Oh, boy. _This could be worse than she had thought.

"Well, one thing at a time," she said calmly. "Let's start at the beginning and work from there, shall we?"

Sara nodded silently.

"So, you're pregnant. You clearly didn't do it on your own, so…"

"So what?"

"So…method of conception?"

Now it was Sara's turn to roll her eyes, snorting her disbelief, "I was kidnapped by aliens and impregnated by way of telepathy- I had sex, Catherine! Man. Woman. Penis. Vagina. Sperm. Egg. Baby."

"I feel like that's a great way to explain it to children. And Greg. Ten second health class." Catherine laughed lightly, "Yes, actually, I have heard of this 'sex' of which you speak. Okay, so- planned, not planned?"

Sara laughed darkly, not looking up, "Uh, definitely not planned."

"Care to explain?"

"No! You know," Sara's self-control was slipping, "where do you get off barging in here and asking me to explain my life to you?"

Catherine had to bite her tongue to hold back one of the angry retorts that seemed to just go flying out of her mouth whenever she was around this woman. She had made up her mind to help Sara and offending her probably wasn't the best way to do that.

"Sara," she said, somewhat sharply, "relax. I'm only trying to help you. You can't keep this baby a secret much longer and these are questions that even complete strangers are going to think they have the right to ask. You don't have to give me the whole story if you don't want to. But you will owe some answers to your friends who would have been supporting you through the last five months if you had told them the truth instead of lying to them." The last part came out sounding a little accusing, but Catherine was a bit hurt that she had had to find out the way she did.

Much to Catherine's surprise, the brunette in front of her went completely devoid of anger and instead, was on the verge of tears. Then, remembering her own temperament when she had been pregnant with Lindsey, she sighed. She scooted further up the bed and took the younger woman's hand,

"Shit, I'm sorry," she said, her mom voice taking hold, "I know it's been a long day. I didn't mean to yell at you. We can do this later okay? When you're home from the hospital?"

Sara shook her head, seemingly subdued, and pulled her hand out of Catherine's grip, "I'll tell you now. It will come out all mixed up, though. I haven't told anyone before this."

Catherine found that a little hard to believe. She had kept her pregnancy a secret for five months? Without telling _anyone_? What about her parents? Her friends? But she nodded, didn't press, and sat back to listen to the younger woman.

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"_Sara? Is that Sara Sidle?"_

I spun around. A spark of recognition passed through me as I tried to put a name to the handsome face. Brad? Brandon? Brian. That was it. Hadn't he been Geoff McCray's best friend all through senior year? I plastered an only half-forced smile onto my face._ "Brian?"_

His smile grew._ "It is you. Wow, its got to be ten years at least. What are you doing in Vegas?"_

"_Living in it. You?"_ I watched his eyes leave my face and make their way southward. As always, I was torn between disgusted and flattered; men didn't usually give me the time of day, but at the same time- how shallow could you get?

"_I'm out here every few months for sales rep conventions, board meetings, company retreats."_

_He obviously wanted me to ask, so I did. "Yeah? What are you doing now?"_

"_I'm in business." He looked around. "You know, why don't we talk over drinks? I'm all done for the day. I'd really love to chat."_

Chat, my ass. Maybe I'm a little cynical, but I didn't think chatting was anywhere on his real agenda. But it had been a while since I'd just sat back and relaxed. Or at least just sat back. _"Sure."_

To be fair, we did talk for an hour and half and he did pay for my dinner, but we had both known what was going to happen from the very beginning. And that's exactly what did happen. I woke up in his hotel room, scrambling to get back into work. As I went to leave, he invited me to a show the next day. I was about to say 'no' before I realized that I had lived here for years now and had never taken part in any of its distractions- never seen a show, never cashed a chip. Why not, right? I knew how to have fun, and the way my life had been going lately, I deserved it.

So we saw a show, and the next evening saw me once again rushing into work; at least this time I thought to bring a change of clothes. When I got off shift, there he was in his rented sports car. I knew the drill by now- I also knew he was flying home to Boston that evening. What the hell? The sex was good, even if the conversation was lacking. We had nothing in common except ten year-old memories, and it was obvious the connection would never lead anywhere. That was just fine by me.

When I returned to my empty apartment, sinking into my sofa, I felt more alone than I had in a long time. I thought back over the last few days and how out of character it was for me. On one hand I felt a little degraded, so easy that it took just two drinks and mediocre hotel food to get in my pants. But on the other hand, I felt adventurous. I had never been that kind of girl. A sudden image of Catherine Willows appeared in my head. This sort of situation was much more her style. But apparently, it could be my style too. Not that I planned to make a habit out of it, but I was tired of being alone. I wished for someone to love, just like every girl. But until that time came…of course, in a roundabout way, my wish was about to come true, just not the way I planned.

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**Okay, I think I figured it out- I like my reviews like I like my men; long and by the dozen! Hmm…that would work if it weren't for the whole lesbian scenario- I'll leave it to you to come up with a better one. **

**So, I am off to go write some more and in return I hope you will scamper off and do some writing of your own, perhaps containing words like 'awesome', 'unbelievable', or 'damn sexy'. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, hello! Its about that time again! Its update time! Not much to say this time around except that I hope you like it. Oh, and a big thank you to everyone who reviewed- you are, as always, wonderful and too kind. So, without further ado, I give you…Chapter 4!**

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Settling back against the pillows, the brunette took a deep breath, "Umm…Well, you remember Hank, right?"

"Oh, god, _Hank's_ the father?" Catherine really hoped not.

Sara shook her head, "As far as I'm concerned, this baby has no father- but he isn't the guy who got me pregnant. No, but about two weeks after things were over with Hank, I ran into this guy I had known in college, Brian Masterson. We were never friends exactly, but we had mutual friends. We have nothing in common- he is a financial executive for some kind of packaging company." Sara wrinkled her nose and Catherine smiled at the cute expression.

"Anyway, he spotted me on the strip, coming off a case, and we started talking. Then he asked me out for drinks. Usually, I would have said no, but I was trying to shake the Hank thing off, so I agreed. I wish I could say we got drunk, but we didn't. He was in town for some business weekend thing. He's recently divorced, very good looking- blonde, tall, big blue eyes. I wasn't really interested in anything coming out of his mouth, but I doubt he was much impressed with my life either. And then things progressed to dinner and then we went back to his hotel room." Sara shrugged, "He was here for three days, I saw him everyday. He asked if he could call me when he was next in Vegas, but I told him no. The whole casual affair thing really isn't my style. He wasn't that upset, we exchanged cards in case I changed my mind. But he's never called."

She looked up at Catherine for the first time since she had started telling the story, "And that's it. A month later, I felt amazingly ill, went to my doctor and she told me I was pregnant."

Catherine watched her facial expression, "And you were…happy about that?"

Sara shook her head, "I was in total shock. I wasn't feeling much either way, I just couldn't believe it. I tried not to think about it. It didn't even sink in until I got my sonogram about a month after that. And then I just cried for about five hours. Not because I was sad or anything, I don't know, everything just sort of overflowed."

"So, how do you feel now?"

Sara smiled, a hand instinctively moving to cover her stomach, "Now, I feel…great. I mean, I have no idea how I'm going to do this and I'm scared shitless, but…I don't know. A baby. I can't really get over it- there is a little person inside of me."

The older woman had to smile; it was the same awe she had felt with Lindsey, "Pretty great, huh?"

"I know that I'm not good with kids, Catherine. And there are so many things that have to change- my apartment for one, there is no room for a baby in there. And lots of other things have to change, I have to change. But I don't care. I really want this baby."

Sara was glowing and Catherine knew exactly how she felt.

"Sara, that's great, and I'm really happy for you."

"You are?" She seemed surprised.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Catherine gave her a quizzical look.

"Uhh…I don't know, I just figured, well, I'm not married…"

"So? Neither am I."

"But you were when you had Lindsey."

Catherine shrugged, "Not when she was conceived. Besides, I would have kept her and loved her just the same if I hadn't been. Sara, children deserve love and attention, it doesn't really matter where it comes from. Being a single mom is hard, but I certainly don't judge you for it. There are plenty of people who are married who make terrible parents. And by the look on your face when you talk about your baby, I know that you'll do just great."

Seeing the pleased look on Sara's face, she continued, "And anyway, its not like you'll be alone. You've got lots of people to help you. Warrick, Nick, Greg, hell even Grissom- they are all very willing uncles for Lindsey, and they will be the exact same way for your baby."

There was a hopeful look in Sara's eyes, "You think so?"

Catherine nodded, "I know so. Not to mention, you've got me and Lindsey."

"Lindsey?"

"Of course. Do you know how excited she'll be when she finds out about this? She is going to hang on to you until the day you give birth and then she will spend every waking moment watching over this baby. You have no idea." Catherine laughed.

She had a beautiful laugh and Sara couldn't help but smile. "So…wow. This is really going to be okay with everyone?"

"Of course. I mean, Grissom will be in shock for a while, but he'll be fine. And the boys? Ten bucks says Greg tries to get you to name the baby after him within the first half hour- even if it's a girl."

Sara brightened. She had been so afraid that no one would understand why she wanted this baby. And here, the woman she had been most

afraid of telling was sitting and telling her everything would be alright and that she wouldn't go through this alone. It was all a little too much for her hormones and her eyes began to fill again. A warm arm encased her shoulders.

"Shit!" she muttered, though she did lean into the embrace, "Sorry, this has sort of been happening a lot recently…"

"Oh, hush" came the dismissive reply, she felt a hand run soft circles over back, "Don't worry." Catherine chuckled, "It only gets worse before it gets better."

After several minutes, Catherine pulled back and smiled, "Better?" she asked.

Sara nodded, "Thanks. For all of this."

Catherine shook her head, "Don't thank me yet, you're going to need a lot more help before the day is through."

Sara gave her a questioning look.

"You've been shot and you're five months pregnant. Sara, there is no way you're going to be able to get out of this hospital on your own."

"I can take-"

Catherine held up a hand. "Save it. You can take care of yourself, I have no doubt. But if you want to be a mom, you'll have to start realizing that you aren't just living for yourself anymore and that even if you can do it all, you don't have to. Will you just take the help that is offered to you?"

Catherine's tone left no room for argument, and Sara could only nod resignedly.

"Good." Catherine did some quick thinking, "So, the doctor said that after you recover from the blood loss, you're free to go. That will probably be sometime tonight. Since you can't drive, I'm taking you home, and since I am now in a position to physically stop you if I have to; you're coming home with me."

Sara started to protest.

"Not for long, Sara. Just a few days. And then you can move back to your place until we find a better place for you and the baby. I've asked for the shift off in order to get you situated, so don't even bother fighting me. You're on leave for at least a week, so you can stay with me until you go back to work. Besides, the closer you are to me the easier it will be to work on the baby dilemma."

"What dilemma? There is no dilemma." Sara's voice was defensive, as was the arm across her belly.

"Ha. There are about forty-five. Look, Sara. I may have been married when I was pregnant with Lindsey, but Eddie didn't exactly help out. He was never even home, and when he was it was to get fed and laid before he went back out to do whatever the hell it was he did when he was supposed to be supporting his family. But I had my friends and my sisters and believe me, there is a lot of stuff I didn't think of- and never would have, that they did. You don't have to be married Sara, but you can't be pregnant on your own. Besides being dangerous, it's also just stupid. Especially when I am offering to be here every step of the way. I want to be there for you, so will you just save us both a little time and quit pretending that you don't want my help?"

Sara looked stunned, "Okay."

"Besides, it's more fun to be pregnant when you get to share it with somebody. And I arrived just in time for the good part."

"The good part?"

"Yeah, any day now you're going to start to show and then you'll get to feel the baby kick, and by the next ultra-sound, you'll be able to tell if the baby is a boy or girl. The fun stuff. Name picking, crib shopping, foot massages…" She saw Sara's arched eyebrow.

"Trust me, your feet are going to hurt like hell. And when they do, you won't be able reach them. I expect full reciprocation. But believe me, being pregnant is a lot of fun once you're passed the morning sickness and all of that."

"I never really thought about it." Sara said honestly.

"Really? Well, it is." She saw the once more doubtful expression on Sara's face, and sighed, "Sara, I know that we've never really gotten close, but I do actually like you. I always have; we just seem to clash on a lot of things, but I swear I don't do it on purpose. And I really want to be friends with you. I think we could be really good friends. And I'm really excited for you to have this baby- and I really want to help. I think it will be great. So, what do you say? Will you let me do this with you? I promise to back off whenever you want."

Typical Sara actually took a minute to weigh the pros and cons of the proposition. Catherine made a face. If she had to wait much longer she was going to rescind the offer.

"Sara…" she tapped her foot.

"Yes. Okay. That would be…that would be really great, Catherine. Thank you."

"Really?"

"Did you want me to say 'no'?"

"No. I just really didn't think you'd say 'yes'."

"Well…I did."

"Well, good."

"Now what?"

Catherine looked at her watch. "Now I go and get some rest. Then I pick Lindsey up from school and we come to take you to your place so we can pack you a bag. Then we go home and eat. If that works for you, that is."

"I don't suppose I could actually fight you on it even if I wanted to."

"Not really."

"In that case," she smiled briefly, "it works for me."

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**Does it seem like its going too slow? I just noticed that its taken me four chapters to get through the first day. But I promise that things start picking up in the next few chapters and it will not disappoint those who are waiting for the lovey-dovey, mushy-gushy stuff. You just have to hang in there a little longer!**

**And where would we be if I didn't hit you up for reviews, right? I'd be a like a completely different person! So, here it is, please please please review! I love to hear your comments and suggestions or your favorite parts- it really keeps me going and writing- which means faster updates for you! So go forth! Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello, hello! Well, I was sitting around today, attempting to recover from stupid migraine AND very stupid stomach flu, and I thought to myself, 'whatever shall I do between trips to the toilet? I know! I will finish up my next chapter and post it!' Was that a good idea or what? So, here you go- hope you love!**

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"_Hi, Sara! Mom told me you're going to stay with us for a while."_

I sat up in the hospital bed, a bit surprised by my little visitor. "_Hey…uh, yeah, that's what she told me too."_

Lindsey came and sat on the bed right where her mother had been that morning. _"Did you really get shot?" _she asked, her expression disbelieving.

I snorted, _"I wouldn't be here if I didn't."_

"_Oh, yeah. How did it happen?"_

"_Uh…"_ I tried to find the words that were appropriate for a ten year-old. It turned out to be more difficult than I thought so instead I asked, "_Where's Ca- I mean, your mom?"_

"_Oh, I raced her to the elevator and I won, so she had to wait for the next one. Can I see where the bullet went in?"_

"_No you may not, Lindsey Nicole."_ Catherine strode in, a small purple and pink backpack over one shoulder, "_And don't think you got away with ditching me at the elevator, young lady." _ Her frown gave way to a smile as she looked up at me. Her eyes were kind. "_Hey, how're you feeling?"_

I shrugged my good shoulder, but returned the smile with a small one of my own, for some reason, it put me more at ease. _"About the same, but once I get off this IV and only have Tylenol to rely on, I'm sure it will get worse."_

"_Can't they prescribe anything stronger?_

I shook my head, _"Not that I can take as frequently, they said Tylenol was just as good as anything else."_

She nodded, _"Okay, well, you ready to blow this joint?"_

"_Unbelievably."_

"_Good."_ Catherine dropped the backpack in front of her daughter, _"The paperwork is going to take a while. So if you want to be able to play and pester Sara later, you'll get your homework finished up now."_

"_Mom…"_ Lindsey groaned.

"_Linds…" _Catherine playfully whined back.

Catherine sat down on the foot of my bed beside her daughter, giggling along with her- neither seemed to notice that they were in someone else's personal space, but for once I didn't really care. In fact I was glad they felt they could be so close. I know that sometimes- okay, most times, I keep people at a distance; it's a bad habit that's hard to shake. But I enjoy physical contact as much the next person. I guess its just too hard for people to wait until I'm comfortable, or maybe they just don't care that much.

As thoughts continued to zip through my mind, I watched my two visitors closely. Catherine tickled the young girl's sides and smiled brightly when she received a shriek of delight from her younger counterpart. God, she is an amazing mother. She knows exactly what to do. How could I ever hope to be like that? In four months, I was going to be a mother and I had absolutely no clue how I was going to raise a baby into a good, independent person.

I never had role models, not like Lindsey did. She was growing up happy and beautiful. My only exposures to families were my own and the families we saw on the job- and they weren't usually in the best of shape. What did I know about it? Just because I wanted this baby now didn't mean I was any less afraid than I had been two months ago. When I let myself think about it too much, I began to panic. I was scared.

I felt a hand on my knee, shaking me out of my own mind. _"Sara, are you okay? You look sad."_ The little blonde tilted her head to one side, inspecting me.

I shook my head, smiling tightly at her and then meeting her mother's eyes. _"Just thinking."_

Catherine grinned at me and then winked, _"Let's get you home, hon."_

Hon?

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Later that night, after Lindsey was in bed, Sara and Catherine found themselves curled up on opposite ends of Catherine's couch. Each woman had her hands wrapped around a mug of herbal tea; Sara hugged a pillow protectively while Catherine draped a languid arm off the side of the sofa.

"I think Lindsey is in love with you." Catherine smiled.

The brunette blushed and shook her head, "She's a good girl."

"She is fascinated by you." Catherine insisted.

"I can't see why." Sara refused to make eye contact and something about her tone put the blonde off.

Was she so self-conscious that she doubted that Lindsey actually had real reasons for liking her?

"Sara, you were great with her," the older woman pushed, "You were patient, caring, you laughed with her and you made her laugh. She really likes you. When I put her to bed she was begging for five more minutes with you. I had to promise that you would go for ice cream after school with us tomorrow just to get her into her pjs. She thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. And she doesn't even know about the baby yet." Catherine joked, "You may never be allowed to leave this house."

Sara smiled graciously, but she didn't really know how to respond. She was never good with this sort of thing and she especially didn't know how to deal with it when it was coming from one Catherine Willows. Seeing her discomfort and deciding to deal with it at another time, Catherine changed the subject.

"So about this baby…"

Sara grinned and looked at her stomach.

Catherine chuckled, "You are too cute."

"Why?" Cute look gone.

Catherine sighed, "Are you going to take everything I say as a possible covert threat? I was just commenting on your goofy grin. You're really excited about this."

Sara shrugged, "I guess."

"Ah!" Catherine threw her arm out in frustration. "Sara! Will you just relax already? It's okay to be excited about a baby. In fact- it's the only acceptable response. So will you quit it with the serious face? You can be happy!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." The smile returned. "So…what about this baby?"

"Huh?"

"Before, you said 'so, about this baby…' so what about this baby?"

"Oh, umm. Well, I was wondering how much planning you've done."

"What sort of planning?"

Catherine shrugged, "Where you're going to live, how you're going to handle going to work." She smiled, "Baby names, clothes, cribs- all the good stuff."

Sara smiled and then frowned, "I haven't thought about names or about work. I have thought about moving." Sara looked pleased with herself, "I want to buy a house."

"A house?" Catherine was a little surprised.

"Yep. A nice house with plenty of room. I haven't lived in a house- a real one, since I was seventeen years old. And I'd like to have a place that was just ours, me and the baby's."

"Sounds like a plan. Can you afford it?"

"Catherine." Sara rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, it's just that, well, I know how much you get paid and I know how long I had to pay off my mortgage. I didn't own this house until last year."

Sara shrugged, "Well, I've never had to support anyone else. I don't spend my money on much; food, clothes, a couple little splurges. I've been able to save some up. Besides, I used to work as an assistant medical examiner."

Catherine nodded her understanding, "I will never understand how coroners make six figure salaries." She raised a hand to stifle Sara's defense. "I know it's a hard job, and I'm not saying they don't deserve it. I'm just saying that we barely make a third of what they do and we work just as hard."

Sara nodded, that was a good point.

"So you want to buy a house, huh? Have you looked?"

Sara shook her head.

Catherine gave her a 'you should know better' look, "Well, when were you planning on finding one? When you were so pregnant that you couldn't move, let alone pack and unpack?" She saw Sara's hackles begin to rise and sighed. They would have to talk about her getting offended at every little thing, but right now they just needed to have a relaxing evening.

The blonde reached out and lay a hand on Sara's wrist. "Give it a rest, babe. Nobody's attacking you. God, it's got to be exhausting to be you if you have to be this jumpy all the time. Let's forget all of this; we can talk about it later. For now, let's do something fun."

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**So that was chapter 5. I slaved and toiled on the brink of death just to bring it to you and hopefully put a smile on your face. And you know how nice reviews put a smile on mine- who knows, you may even cure me and encourage me to write even faster! Only one way to find out! You know what to do! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Greetings, lovelies! I know, I know, its been like a million years since I updated, but I have a really good excuse! I have been across the country hanging out with my wonderful cousins and having a super fun time. But, I am back now, and it is time to return to business (aka fanfiction)! **

**I've missed you all terribly, and its really great to be back! Hope you enjoy…**

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Catherine placed her tea cup on the coffee table and went to her bookshelves, crouching down, she pulled three thick volumes out then dropped them between herself and Sara before settling back down on the couch.

Sara read the titles aloud as she went through the books, "_The World's Best Book of Baby Names_, _50,000 Names for Your Baby_, and _What to Name Your Baby Girl_." She looked to Catherine, "Are you serious?"

"What? How were you planning to do it? These seriously work." The blonde tapped the last book, "This one seriously helped. You don't want to know what I was planning on naming Lindsey before I read it."

"But what if I'm having a boy?"

"Then we'll get you the boy version. Look, will you just humor me? This is really fun."

"Fun?"

"Yeah, fun."

"Choosing what to name another human being- a name they have to have for the rest of their life? Sounds pretty serious to me."

Catherine laughed, "Why do you have your name?"

"I had a great aunt, Saralee. I guess my parents just dropped the 'lee'."

"You guess? You never asked your parents?"

Sara shook her head, "Why, did you?"

"I just figured everyone did."

"So why are you Catherine?"

Catherine smirked. "Catherine Celia. My mother wanted to name me Jasmine- lord knows why, my father wanted to name me Rebecca- after his favorite horse growing up." Catherine snorted.

"So what happened?"

"Well, my mother got really sick after I was born- some sort of infection, and my dad was away on business, so my grandparents named me. My grandmother chose Catherine- because it sounded

sophisticated. In the middle of nowhere Montana, almost anything would. She's the reason no one ever got to call me Kate or Katie- it had to be Catherine."

"And Celia?" Sara found she was interested in spite of herself. She never really had these kinds of anecdotes to share.

Catherine cackled, "Actually, this is funny. My grandfather chose the name Celia- he told my grandmother it was because of an aunt, just like Saralee. But when he died ten years ago, I went through all of his old stuff. You know, clothes, papers, etc."

Sara nodded; she had done the same thing when her grandmother died.

"Well, I found a bunch of old photos, from the twenties. Many of which were of a lovely young lady named Celia- her name was on the back. I did a little _investigating,"_ she smirked, "And found out that I have no great-aunt Celia. She was my grandfather's old girlfriend."

"That's…weird." Sara tried to understand why someone would do that.

"Weird? I think it's hilarious. I mean, think about it. He named his granddaughter after his ex. I don't know why. But I'd rather be named after the sexy woman in those pictures than my father's horse."

Sara did laugh at that, "My older brother was named after my mother's high school English teacher; turns out she had a major crush on him. My brother still doesn't know. My mother uh…let it slip to me once." Sara sobered at this.

Catherine noticed the change in her when she mentioned her mother. The older woman had always suspected something was not right with Sara Sidle's early life, but she was more than willing to wait to hear what it was. She smiled as she rested a hand on the brunette's shoulder, realizing that for once, Sara had not rejected her touch; she hadn't even flinched. Maybe they were getting closer.

"Come on, girl. Take a book and start looking. 50,000 names."

"I have at least four months."

"This is not a decision you want to make under pressure." Catherine threw a book at her, "Get reading."

Over the next couple of hours, they searched through the books, and after a while, Sara had to admit that she was enjoying herself. One woman would suggest a name and the other would shoot it down.

"What about Heather?"

"As in Lady Heather, Grissom's dominatrix love interest?"

"Eww. Let's not go there."

"How about Molly?"

"Too common. Hey, what about Susan?"

Sara laughed, "You've got to be kidding me."

"What? It's pretty and it's not that common any more…"

"She'd get called Sue."

"So?"

"Sue Sidle?"

"Ah. Okay. Definitely not, then."

Throughout the evening, the women had changed positions many times. Eventually they found themselves on their backs, head to head in the middle of the couch, holding the books above them.

Catherine set her book on the floor, "Hey, Sar?"

"Yeah?"

"You're almost twenty weeks?"

"Yeah?"

"So when is your next sonogram? It's got to be coming up, right?"

"Yeah, day after tomorrow, actually. Why?"

"Well, that's when you can find out the baby's sex."

"So this is preemptive research?"

"Are you going to find out?"

"I really don't see what benefits come from not finding out."

"You know, I never got that either."

"Maybe it's the investigator in us."

"Maybe. Besides, you get to know the baby better. Knowing that Lindsey was a girl? Just made me feel that much closer to her."

"Right…"

Catherine sat up and put her book on the table. "God, I can never sleep at night anymore. I think this job has permanently screwed up my internal clock."

Sara sat up as well, "I know what you mean, I feel weird just closing my eyes without light coming through the windows. Night is when you move around; daytime is for sleep."

"So, you're not tired yet?"

"I won't be tired for at least another," Sara looked at her watch, "Five hours."

"Wanna go out back? It's cool now, we can take some more tea out there?"

"Sure."

Once in Catherine's backyard, lying in chairs and sipping their hot tea, an awkward silence fell over the two women. They both realized that this latest chain of events had permanently altered their relationship, and neither one knew what that fully entailed.

Looking up at the stars, Sara felt herself relax for the first time since the doctor had told her she was pregnant. She was excited about a baby, and she did want to be a mother. But she was also scared about all of the changes that meant in her life. Was she making the right decision? Would she be a good mother? Questions like these had flooded her mind every second since she found out. For some reason though, she didn't feel as frightened when this woman was sitting beside her. Knowing she had at least some support was an amazing comfort. Maybe she wasn't going to have to do this alone.

For Catherine's part, she watched the stars and thought about the woman beside her. Sara Sidle was a complete enigma. She was brilliant, she was beautiful, and she was brave. What she wasn't, was confident. _Well_, thought Catherine,_ I may not have a degree from Harvard, but confidence has never been something I lacked._ She also had a good track record with inspiring it in others. Well, maybe she could help Sara. And maybe, just maybe, they could stay friends this time.

"Sara…"

"Catherine."

Catherine paused. Sara had never said her name like that. She knew it was an odd thing to realize, but she noticed something in the younger woman's tone that had never been there before. What was it? Trust, perhaps? Or maybe she just finally felt comfortable around her older colleague.

"Sara, now don't take this the wrong way," _Geez, I'm starting to feel like I have to preface everything I say to her with something like that, _"I am perfectly aware of how capable you are of doing everything, even pregnancy and motherhood, on your own. You're a strong, independent woman- you can do anything you put your mind to and you can do it well."

"But?" Sara kept her eyes on the stars.

"But I said that if I could help, I would. And I know, because Eddie always had somewhere better to be, that sonograms, doctors appointments- whether before or after your baby is born, are scary things to go through alone. Even if you're raising this baby on your own; there's no rule that says a friend can't help out every once in a while."

"A friend?"

Catherine smirked, "Yeah, well, I would have said arch nemesis, but I thought that would make my argument less compelling."

Sara snorted. "Only slightly."

"So?"

"You're asking if you can come with me on Wednesday? To the doctor's office?"

"Only if you want, of course." Catherine said, hurriedly.

Sara smiled and turning her head toward the other woman.

She would never admit the relief she felt, but when Catherine caught sight of that smile, she knew how much the offer had been appreciated. She suddenly wondered why she had never noticed how much that smile changed this woman's appearance. She was always beautiful, but most of the time she seemed…weighed down. When she smiled it was like she was lit up from the inside. Like Catherine's own personal angel, just a foot away.

Catherine pulled up. Whoa. Sara? Sara Sidle? Her angel? Why would she think that? But her smile…Catherine shook her head. She just wasn't used to that smile being directed at her. And she was glad that Sara had apparently accepted her offer.

She cleared her throat. "So that's a yes, then?"

"Yes. Thanks, Catherine."

"Thank you, Sara."

"What for?"

"For trusting me enough to let me do this."

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**Well? I know it wasn't super dramatic, but I'm trying to develop their relationship- to set the stage, if you will. So you'll have to tell me if I'm doing a good job or not. I would really love a welcome home review, so even if you don't normally review, just let me know what you think.**

**Until we meet again! Toodles!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Darlings! Its been ages, I know, I am a very naughty updater. And I'm very sorry, I have no real excuse- except the whole bit where my life has been ridiculously chaotic for the last month. Traveling on the weekends, classes in the morning, work in the afternoons and evenings- I'm telling you, someday I will become a hermit and move to a deserted island. As long as it has wi-fi. And electricity. And running water. And cookies. Hmm…maybe I need to rethink the hermit idea…**

**Anyway, here's a little tidbit I've cooked up for you. Enjoy, dearies- to your hearts content!**

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Catherine insisted on driving Sara to her OBGYN appointment; in fact she had insisted on driving Sara everywhere for the past two days. Not that Sara could actually drive herself, but that didn't stop her from complaining to her new chauffeur.

Tuesday had passed without incident. Well, except for the argument about Sara doing any heavy lifting. And the thing when Catherine yelled at her after shift for over-exerting herself while she was away. Oh, and the mistake of taking Sara grocery shopping. As it turned out, Catherine did not actually want to know what all of her food was made out of.

So maybe there had been a few hiccups. But there had been some good points as well. Sara had taught Lindsey how to make origami cranes which now hung by the dozens all over the girl's room. Catherine marveled at the way her daughter interacted with a woman that until a few days ago she had viewed as distant and closed off.

Sara had enjoyed the time with Lindsey, too. She was excited to learn that she could have patience with children, that she was good at things like goodnight kisses and getting Lindsey to eat her vegetables. Sara was also enjoying her time with Catherine. As much as she disliked being a burden and being told what to do, she found it oddly comforting to be around this woman who exasperated her and made her feel safe at the same time.

In the car on the way to the doctor's, the two women were comfortably silent. They had reached a peace over the last few days that, while still volatile, was slowly taking on a routine. This weekend, they were going house hunting. It was an exciting prospect.

"Okay, you ready?" Catherine asked, pulling into a parking space.

"Sure." Sara looked straight ahead. She was clearly nervous.

Catherine covered the fidgeting hands in Sara's lap with one of her own, "Come on, this exciting." Without thinking, she placed a gentle touch on Sara's belly.

The brunette jumped at the unexpected contact, she looked at Catherine, her eyes wide.

Catherine smiled and rubbed the woman's stomach lightly, "Get used to it. I swear, complete strangers came up to me in the supermarket and started touching my belly when I was pregnant."

Sara raised her eyebrows and snorted, "I'd like to see them try."

Catherine chuckled, "So would I."

Sara was acutely aware of the pressure of the other woman's hand and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. This was without a doubt the most intimate gesture Catherine had made so far. On the one hand, Sara was pleased that Catherine felt comfortable with her and felt that Sara must also feel comfortable in return, she hadn't had that sort of intimacy with anyone in a long time. On the other hand, she didn't necessarily deal with physical contact all that well.

So what did it mean if she wanted Catherine's hand to stay where it was? That she felt safe, that was all. True, she had rarely felt safe with anyone before, but…She shook her head to clear it. She didn't want to deal with that headache right now. Instead, she looked up and gave a reassuring nod.

"Let's get this show on the road."

Catherine smiled her reply, exited the car, and headed toward the non-descript office building.

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Catherine ran an impatient hand through her hair as she waited expectantly beside Sara. They had waited in the reception area, they had waited in the exam room, and now they were waiting while the doctor 'hmm'ed and 'huh'ed at the screen that was displaying what looked to the two women to just be a bunch of black and white static.

They couldn't see anything, but they could hear the warped pulsing of a heartbeat. Sara had unconsciously rested her hand on Catherine's shoulder when the sound had first appeared, and she was still gripping it tightly. For her part, Catherine was feeling a great deal of animosity towards the doctor, a Felicity Warren, who seemed to be deliberately taking her time. Catherine wanted to scream at her to hurry up and stop making Sara so tense.

"Well?" She asked, frustrated.

The doctor looked up at her and smiled, "Well, we have a perfectly healthy, content little five month old fetus. Everything in the right place, and a strong steady heartbeat." She pointed to the screen and traced and outline, "Here you can see the head and the curve of the spine and oh, look!"

"What?" Both Sara and Catherine practically shouted with nervous energy.

"Moving baby."

"Yeah?" Sara asked eagerly, "Where?"

"Watch." The doctor pointed again. "See this leg is moving…"

"Why can't I feel it?"

Dr. Warren shrugged, "It's not a rapid movement. You probably can't." She grinned up at Catherine and then down to Sara, "Would you like to know the baby's sex?"

"Can you tell?" Sara squeezed Catherine's shoulder tightly and Catherine covered the hand with her own, comfortingly squeezing back.

"I can now that this leg is out the way."

"Then yes."

Catherine leaned back so that her head was resting on Sara's shoulder and she watched the screen from the same angle. God, this was incredible. Catherine knew that seeing this, experiencing this with Sara, was truly going to make her a part of this baby's life. She was excited at the prospect.

Dr. Warren smiled, "Congratulations, Sara. You're having a boy!"

"A boy?" Sara couldn't believe it. "A boy." Emotion filled her voice. "Catherine," She was tugging the older woman's hand, "A boy."

Catherine laughed and kissed Sara on the cheek, "Yeah, hon, I heard. That's wonderful. Congratulations. You have a son."

"A son." The word apparently hit home because Sara's eyes filled. She turned to the older woman, her eyes almost fearful. Her voice was strained when she spoke, "How could something so good happen to me?" She looked up as if she were actually expecting an answer.

Catherine didn't know what to say, so she just did what came naturally to her; she touched Sara. She stroked her cheek, now wet with tears, and kissed the top of her head. Then she flashed that killer Willows smile that started to put Sara at ease.

"Because you deserve it, hon." She met the brunette's stare eye for eye.

Maybe Sara was just in shock, having finally realized that this was really happening, or maybe she was actually getting used to Catherine's physical presence, but she didn't shy away from the strawberry blonde's touch, in fact, she leaned into it. Catherine was so excited to share in this moment with Sara that she almost didn't notice. Almost.

There were more tears and sniffs as Sara dazedly got redressed and the doctor talked to them about the next steps and what to expect in the second trimester. Sara was incapable of coherent speech.

On the way out however, they had to walk through the waiting room. Catherine had somehow found herself holding Sara around the waist to keep her moving. She didn't seem capable of independent thought let alone movement. So she was holding Sara bodily when she received a decidedly icy glare from an older woman that appeared to be there with her daughter. At first, Catherine didn't understand what the lady's problem was.

But it became infinitely clear when the woman leaned over and whispered something into her daughter's ear with a nasty smirk on her face. Catherine's eyes narrowed. She did not like this woman. Sara seemed to snap out of her daze, sensing Catherine's discomfort.

"Catherine?" she questioned.

Catherine gestured with her chin at the two conspiratorial women, now whispering heatedly and gazing in their direction. As they walked past, Catherine was convinced she should leave it alone.

That is, until she heard the not so whispered whisper of "Filthy dykes," from the older woman.

Catherine felt her face go red with flames of fury. It made her so angry that this woman would try to take the joy out of this moment for anyone. She moved to give the woman a piece of her mind when Sara physically held her back with her good arm around her middle. "Don't bother, Catherine."

The woman had seen Catherine step toward her and had a terrified look on her face. _Good, she should,_ Catherine thought.

But Catherine felt Sara's cool hand on her lower back and she felt her hackles fall. Giving the woman a final death glare, she returned to the brunette's side. She was more than a little surprised when Sara smiled at her calmly, pecked her cheek, and moved an arm around her back to slip a hand into her back pocket.

Her shocked expression received a wink and they headed out of the office. It was only when they got into the elevator and Sara had ended the 'hand on Catherine's ass' scenario that Catherine managed to pick her jaw up off the ground long enough to realize that Sara's move had been done with the ease of a much practiced motion. So, who's back pocket had Sara been slipping her hand into?

As they strolled to the car, Catherine asked, "What was that all about?"

"What?" Sara played innocent.

"That little stunt in there with the ass grab?"

Sara blushed as she sat in the passenger's seat, but she shrugged, "People like that make my skin crawl. I figured I'd return the favor. Sorry if it bothered you."

"No, no…" She assured, thinking. She wanted to ask more than that but was afraid it would be crossing the unwritten boundary into Sara's personal life. Instead, she settled for, "Not at all. That woman was seriously pissing me off."

Sara nodded.

"So, _Mommy_, how's it feel to know that you've got a son?"

Sara out and out grinned, "Great, wonderful, unbelievable. You were right. I feel like I know _him_ so much better now. Like he's a real person."

Catherine tapped the younger woman's knee, "I'm really happy for you, hon. And I'm glad he's healthy."

"Me, too."

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_A son._ The word just kept rolling around in my head. A boy. Had I thought about it either way? Not really. I was just as clueless as to what to do with a girl as I was a boy. But something changed in me from the moment I knew. I started to look into the future and see what our life would be like, I could see his face behind my eyelids. I could hear his voice and smell his skin in my dreams. It was real. I was going to be a mother.

Suddenly, I was thinking of all the things we would do. I would hang a swing in the biggest tree at our new house. I had always wanted a swing; the girls with new dresses, the one's whose mothers made them lunches every morning before school- they always had swings. My baby, my son, would have one too. I could see his smile as he flew high in the air.

We would snuggle in bed on Sunday mornings. Camp out in the backyard. There would be bedtime stories and hide and seek and peek-a-boo. We could spend all day at the park or the beach. And there would be lots of hugs and kisses. In my head I could already feel my arms around him. I could close my eyes and there he was, just waiting for me.

A son. A boy. A happy boy. A loved boy. A safe and cared for boy. I could see it. That's how it would be, how he would be. _My_ son.

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**Surprise! A boy! Even I'm excited- and I wrote it! I think I'll call him…Zeus! No wait, Herman. Or maybe Aloysius. Chuck? Bartholomew? Baxter, Tobias, Sylvester? How about Carol-Anne? The possibilities are endless and I still haven't decided. So if you have an idea and you'd like to see it in print, then throw your suggestions in with your lovely, long reviews! **

**Cheers, folks! I'll post again as soon as I possibly can!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey, all! Once again I am very sorry about the slow update- my life has been fairly crap the last few weeks, and the future isn't looking that bright either. Between three jobs, classes, a dysfunctional home life and a massive medication screw-up, oh and did I mention the flu? Yeah, well between all of that, I have had no time for writing and truthfully, not much inspiration. **

**But, here we are, once again another post. I hope you enjoy!**

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Catherine opened the door to her house, "Hello?" she called as soon as she'd pulled the key out of the door.

"In the living room," Sara called back, sipping her tea. "I made you coffee, for a change."

The smaller woman appeared in the doorway, smiling, "My hero!" she said dramatically, putting one hand over her heart and the other against her forehead. She leaned heavily against the wall as she pretended to swoon. Then she laughed and stood straight again. "House hunting today! You excited?"

Sara nodded.

"Let me just grab some café au Sara, and I'll be right back." A minute later she returned, cup in hand. "Lindsey get off okay on the bus?" she asked, taking her spot on the sofa.

The brunette nodded again, "Tried to convince me that putting ice cream in her cereal was the same thing as using milk."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Sara shrugged, "Fine."

"Yeah? And how is little man this morning?" Catherine questioned the other woman's tummy.

Sara cracked a smile at this. "Everyone living in this body is just great."

"Good. Did you sleep at all?"

"Some. I wanted to be wide awake for today."

Catherine nodded and the two women sat together in companionable silence for several minutes.

Sara's eyes wandered around the room until they landed on a framed photo on the end table. She picked it up, inspecting it closely. "Who's in this picture?"

Catherine sat up and leaned forward to see which one it was. "Oh, that's me with two of my sisters. We went up to Tahoe for a girls' weekend about five years ago. We were going to make it an annual event but we've never been back- life just gets in the way, you know?"

Sara nodded, still looking at the photo. "How many sisters do you have?"

"Three. My poor father, he wanted a boy so badly and he got landed with four girls instead."

"None of you look alike at all."

"No, I know. This one," she pointed at the picture, "this is Teresa, she's five years older than me. She's got the dark hair and eyes like our dad. Then Nancy," she pointed again, "is eleven months younger than me, she's a bit of a mix. She gets the dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes from our grandmother."

"So, I'm guessing you look like your mother?"

Catherine nodded, "More or less. Her hair is redder than mine, my eyes are bluer than her's, but those are about the only big differences."

"What about your other sister?"

"Jenna? Oh, Jenna and I actually look a lot alike." She reached over Sara's lap and came back with a second photograph. She handed it to the brunette, tapping the glass to indicate a young woman with curly blonde hair. Her arms were wrapped around a grinning Lindsey.

"Yeah, you do. Just the hair is different. When was this taken?"

"Uh, last year? Maybe the year before."

Sara frowned. "How old is she?"

"Just turned thirty," Catherine waved a hand when Sara raised her eyebrows, "I know, she's eleven years younger than me."

"That's a bit of a gap. Shock to your parents?"

Catherine laughed, "That's an understatement. They had a daughter in high school, two almost out of grade school, and then Jenna comes along and they have to start parenting over from scratch. My mother was so tired by the time Jenna arrived, I'm not sure how much parenting she actually did- I think she left it mostly to Teresa."

"You think?"

"Yeah, well I left home before Jenna left preschool- didn't see her much for a long time. Of course, now Teresa plays the overprotective maternal one. Jenna is a bit of a free spirit, or maybe a lost soul. Either way, I'll take being the cool crazy big sister over the responsible bossy one any day."

Sara wasn't usually inquisitive about people's family lives, but Catherine was being so open with her that she felt completely at ease with the conversation. "Are you all here in Vegas?"

Catherine counted off on her fingers, "Lindsey and I are the only ones here in town. Nancy, her husband Bill, and their two boys have a house in Henderson. Mother is in Boulder City, but I know she'd love nothing more than to move in with me or Nance." She snorted, and then laughed "She'll die waiting for that invitation."

Sarah smiled.

Catherine continued, "Teresa, her husband Ken, and their three kids are way out in Colorado- Ken runs a ski resort and since Teresa is a teacher, she can find a job anywhere."

"What about Jenna?"

The strawberry-blonde waved a hand, "Good luck keeping tabs on that girl. The last time we talked, she was waitressing in L.A., but before that it was bartending in Alaska, cooking school in San Francisco, parasailing instructor in Hawaii- so you really never know. Every time she tries something new, she's sure that that's going to be it. A couple times a year, she'll just show up on the doorstep, stay for a couple weeks and then disappear again. " Catherine frowned pensively, "I love that girl, but every year I get a little more worried about her. I know how hard it is to get slapped in the face with reality- to figure out who you are so late in life."

Sara nodded, more in sympathy than in understanding.

Catherine shook herself and slapped Sara's thigh playfully. "More tea?"

"No, I'm gonna go get dressed and ready for our big day."

"Good plan. I'll hop in the shower and get all crime scene grime off of me- guess who had dumpster duty last night?"

Sara made a face. "I didn't want to say anything, but you do smell like feet and rotten fish, or maybe that's just your natural odor."

The brunette promptly received a cushion to the head. Catherine laughed at her stunned expression and then raced up the stairs to avoid getting the same treatment.

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The day was a lot of fun. Both women were energized and excited at the prospect of finding Sara and the baby a house. They had four houses to look at.

The first was too small, Sara said. She wanted big open rooms like the houses in California. The second one was way out of her price range and also needed the roof replaced. The third one, Sara and Catherine actually remembered working a homicide in and refused to even go inside. Finally, the fourth one had no lawn and was very close to a busy road. Sara didn't mind this so much, but Catherine assured her that she would mind later when she was constantly chasing after a baby.

Sara sighed. They had had fun looking at the houses, commenting on different things, joking about using the pantry as the baby's room. But she was still frustrated. Catherine assured her that house shopping usually wasn't a one day affair, but Sara was still disappointed. On the way home however, they got a call from the realtor saying that a house had just gone on the market that he thought sounded perfect and could they meet him at the address.

As soon as the women saw it, they knew it was the right one. Two stories, a fenced in yard, and large shady trees that really had no business being in the middle of the desert. Big windows gave it a spacious, airy look. The inside was a wonderful mix of plush carpeting and hardwoods; the kitchen was a gorgeous stone tile that Catherine said she would kill for. There were two and a half bathrooms, the half being downstairs and the other two upstairs. The master bedroom had beautiful bay windows and a balcony that overlooked the backyard.

When Sara stepped into a room that had a little window seat and walls that were painted a pale blue-green, she beamed. It would make the perfect baby's room. Catherine was jealous that the laundry room was on the second floor which meant no hauling loads up and down stairs.

"Cath, this is perfect." Sara kept turning around in circles in the back yard.

"I think so too. I wish that I could afford it, it's amazing."

"I want to get it."

"I think you should, how much is the asking price?"

"I don't care, I want it."

Catherine grinned. "And just think how much fun it will be to decorate."

Sara scrunched her nose in displeasure. "Decorate?"

"Well you at least need to put some furniture in it, Sar. And its nice to have your own style."

"Why do I have the feeling that my style is going to look suspiciously like your style?"

Catherine patted her shoulder, smiling innocently, "If that's you asking for my help, I accept."

Sara shook her head. _Oh, boy._

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I followed Catherine as she went through the house, occasionally throwing a question over her shoulder about lighting fixtures or shower curtains. I was lost in thought for most of the time, but she didn't seem to notice.

A house. Maybe for Catherine it was just a house, but for me it was something more than walls and a roof. It was a new beginning. A place to create new memories- happy memories, perhaps they would be happy enough to wash away my memories that were always swaddled in shadows and murk.

No, it was much more than a house. This was what I'd always wanted- something I was too afraid to hope for, convinced I would never have. Knowing I was carrying a life inside me definitely gave me more courage. But Catherine…true, it was a new friendship, but having her by my side lifted the weight of the world from my shoulders and the knowledge that I wasn't alone gave me that extra determination I needed to allow myself to have what I had always wanted. A home.

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**Too sappy? Well, I say deal with it! I am in a sappy kind of mood. But seriously, life is crap and I need some super cheering up, so please, please review and let me know what you think. I am off to bed, just try and stop me!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I always used to like getting sick. It meant staying in bed all day, skipping school, getting to eat your favorite foods, and watch TV. Guess what? Being a grown up sick person is not fun. You just feel gross and helpless and mad that you don't have your mommy to make you soup. In case you hadn't noticed, I am sick, sick, sick and sick and tired of being sick, sick, sick.**

**True sign of being ill? That you are getting crushes on the hosts for the daytime shows from the cooking channel. But I can now make crème caramel, so its not been a total waste.**

**On a brighter note, I am regaining some of my inspiration and hoping that my writer's block will soon disappear to a land far, far away. In any case, I hope you enjoy this chapter, its maybe my fave so far!**

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"I really don't see why we have to do this." Sara grumbled, moving around Catherine's car.

"No? How about because Grissom put you on another week of leave and you're lucky that you're not showing already. It's probably because you're so skinny."

"I'll have you know that I have put on five pounds."

"Boo-hoo."

"No, you don't understand. I've been the same weight since college. And before that I was freakishly thin."

"You're freakishly thin now. More than five months pregnant and you look like some Amazon goddess." Catherine waved a hand at Sara's height, "It's ridiculous. You're an affront to pregnant women everywhere."

Sara blushed and reverted back to their original subject, "Why don't we, I don't know, tell them over the phone? Write letters?"

"Why don't we just disappear for four months and when we come back it will be a big surprise?" Catherine rolled her eyes.

"That could work too."

"Sara! This is ridiculous, the boys love you; they'll love the baby. There's nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, there is."

"What?" Catherine already knew what she was going to say.

"Grissom."

"We'll handle it."

"He's going to flip out."

"We'll handle it."

"He is going to _really_ flip out."

"Probably." The blonde reasoned, "And for him that means what, exactly? He'll go a little pale. He'll have something completely unrelated to say, probably quote some nauseating thing about motherhood that some dead guy said sometime. Later, he'll take you aside and ask you if you know what you're getting yourself into. As soon as we make it clear that yes, in fact, you do; he'll back off."

Sara nodded, knowing Catherine was right and there really was no way around this, "Okay."

Without thinking, the brunette took hold of Catherine's wrist, gripped it, and then shifted to put her left hand in Catherine's right. Catherine didn't think twice before she interlaced their fingers and smiled at her colleague. She was pleased that Sara had grown this comfortable with her so quickly.

She pulled the other woman closer so that their shoulders were brushing as they walked. As they neared the entrance to the lab, Catherine thought Sara might want to end their hand holding, but Sara seemed really nervous and she only tightened her grip. Catherine did the same, wanting to infuse her friend with the confidence she needed.

As they entered the building and started down the hallway, they heard a clatter ahead of them. They saw Nick bending down to help Greg collect some spilled paperwork. But neither man was looking at the floor, both had their eyes on the two women.

"Uhh…" Greg said eloquently as they approached, he stared at their joined hands for several seconds the scratched the back of his neck. "So…are you guys, like…friends, now?"

Catherine laughed, "Yeah, Greg, miracles do happen."

Sara glared at Greg, "It's not that big a miracle."

"Actually, it is. What is it with you two? Is there something in the water? Did you pass a flying pig on your way in here?" Nick joked.

Sara moved her glare to the offending man.

He coughed, "So, what's up? Grissom said you weren't due back for another week."

"Umm…Catherine?" Sara's eyes revealed her trembling nerves.

Catherine squeezed her hand and smiled comfortingly, "Sara has something she wants to tell all of you, so we thought we'd show up at the end of shift so we could take you all out to breakfast."

"On you?" Nick looked at Sara.

"On me." Catherine corrected.

Nick looked disbelieving, "Wait, you're paying for breakfast for us so that Sara can say something?"

Sara protested, "Cat, don't be ridiculous, I-"

Catherine mimed zipping her lips, "Sweetie, shut up. Will you just let me do this? You can take me and Linds out somewhere nice tonight."

Sara looked like she was going to argue some more, but then she relaxed and relented, smiling, "Deal. I know just the place."

The women looked back to the men who were openly staring at them, slack jawed.

"What?" Catherine furrowed her brow.

Greg's voice went into falsetto as he leaned heavily on Nick and batted his eyelashes, "_Oh Cat."_ He smiled becomingly up at Nick.

Nick wrapped an arm around Greg, also pitching his voice, "_Yes, Sweetie?_"

They burst out laughing until they saw the matching looks of displeasure on their female colleagues' faces. Then the guys pointedly looked away.

"So, twenty minutes and then we'll meet you outside and caravan to the diner?" Nick asked.

"We can pay for our own breakfast." Greg added hurriedly.

Catherine raised an eyebrow, "I think that's a very good idea…"

Sara smirked at her friend's ability to intimidate the men, "Come on, Cat; guys- see you outside in twenty."

As the women walked away they heard Greg's sing-song impression of Sara again, "Come on, Cat. Do you want me to teach you how to make friendship bracelets?"

"Sweetie, that sounds like a lovely idea, but can I read you this poem I wrote first? It's about us." Came Nick's reply.

"Oh, Cat! How divine!"

Both women had to laugh at the absurdity.

"If the words 'how divine' ever come out of my mouth…"

"I'll kill you and put you out of your misery. And if I ever write a poem about anything-"

"I will definitely return the favor."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Catherine winked at the brunette as they turned a corner.

The women were smiling, but all joking stopped when they found themselves outside Grissom's office. Bravely, Sara knocked on the door. There was no reply. Catherine pushed the door open.

Not seeing anything, she stepped inside, pulling a reluctant Sara after her.

"He's not here."

"Aha. This is where we commence my master plan of leaving a note."

"I don't think so, babe."

"It's Grissom," Sara whined. "He'd probably take a letter better anyway."

"Maybe, but everyone deserves the courtesy of hearing potentially life-changing news face-to-face."

"I bet if I wore sweatshirts and we didn't say anything, he wouldn't even notice. Let's just not tell him."

"Not tell him what?" Grissom's voice came from the door way.

Sara had momentarily dropped Catherine's hand, but at the sound of her supervisor's voice, she took hold of it once more.

"Uh, Gil…hi." Catherine smiled weakly and Sara looked anywhere except at her boss.

"Good morning, Catherine." He looked from one silent bewildered woman to the other. "Would either of you like to tell me what's going on? Sara, I thought I made it clear that you need another week of leave."

"You did, you did. I- we, uhh…we're here about a separate issue."

"Oh?" Grissom lifted an eyebrow. He walked around his desk.

"Take a seat, Gil." Catherine said as she pulled herself and Sara into the two chairs across from him.

Gil cooperated, leaning back with his hands in his lap. "Ladies?"

"Uhh…well." Sara faltered, "Okay, it's like this. First, let me say that I'm sorry for lying to you, but well…I didn't really know how to handle it until Catherine…and-"

"Babe," Catherine whispered low, "Take a deep breath and regroup." The blonde moved her hand up the younger woman's arm to rub the base of her neck before reclaiming her hand.

It was then that Grissom realized the closeness that the two women had formed over the last week. He noticed the way Catherine touched her co-worker; it was almost sensual. It was also not lost on him that Sara did not reject her touch, no, in fact she deepened it. He wondered at the change. He also came to the conclusion that whatever Sara had to say must be really important if she required this much support from someone that until a week ago had been something less than a friend.

Sara took a breath and closed her eyes, she leaned back to trap Catherine's hand behind her. As nervous as she was, she was also aware that she would not have been able to do this without Catherine there. The other woman's supportive hand was doing wonders to relieve her tension. She nodded at Catherine and the blonde intertwined their fingers once more. Okay. She could do this.

"Grissom, I know this is going to be a little…surprising. But I want you to know that I'm really happy and excited about this."

"Sara?"

"I'm uhh…" Sara closed her eyes, feeling her heart beat out of her chest. "I'm pregnant." As soon as the words left her mouth she felt a wave relief quickly followed by another wave of apprehension. She tightened her grip on the woman beside her as they waited for the man's response.

Grissom froze. Whatever he had been expecting, that was not it. What had he been thinking? That she wanted a promotion? Change shifts? She wanted to leave CSI? But pregnant? That hadn't been anywhere on the list, maybe right below joining the circus.

"Pregnant?"

Sara tried to smile, "Yes."

"With a baby?"

"Gil!" Catherine admonished, exasperated. "What other kind of pregnant is there? Yes, pregnant with a baby."

Gil paused. He was quiet for several minutes. The tension was killing Sara.

"Well?" Catherine asked. Why couldn't this man just be a supportive guy for once? Why couldn't he just say 'Congratulations'? She hated that he was making Sara this uncomfortable.

"Well what?"

"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"

"What am I supposed to say, Catherine?"

"I don't know," Catherine said, getting heated, "Congratulations? I'm glad you're happy? Don't worry we'll work everything out so you can take it easy?" She was practically yelling, but of course Gil was his usual collected self.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Sara spluttered. She could feel the strain in her own voice and throat.

"Okay, Sara. Congratulations. I'm glad you're happy. Don't worry, we'll work everything out." His tone was completely flat.

"God, Gil, you are incredible. I can't believe you." Catherine stood up and pulled Sara up and into her arms.

A week ago, Sara would have fought it, but now she returned the hug just as fiercely as the other woman offered it up; burying her flushed face in Catherine's pale orange locks. Catherine ran a hand through chestnut hair, glaring at her old friend.

"Sara and I are going to breakfast with the boys, and then we're going home. When I come back tonight, you and I are having a serious discussion about your social skills." Catherine patted Sara's back and released all but her hand, "Let's go, honey. Feed you and that baby."

Grissom was left to wonder what had just happened as the two women walked out. The look that Sara gave him over her shoulder as she disappeared nearly broke his heart. He put his head in his hands. Why couldn't he ever say the right thing?

Catherine pulled Sara into the locker room. She checked to make sure they were alone and then she sat down on the bench, wrapping her arms around the younger woman.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I knew he was going to be like this. There was really no way to avoid it."

Sara was breathing heavily, trying not to cry, "Why couldn't he just pretend to be happy for me? Am I not allowed to be happy?"

Catherine felt her heart wrench at the emotion in her friend's voice. She loved Gil, but right now, she couldn't believe he could be such an asshole.

"Hey, hey," Catherine pulled Sara's chin up and looked into her liquid brown eyes, she shook her head, "You are allowed to be happy." She ran a thumb across the brunette's cheek bone and jaw, "But you aren't allowed to let someone as idiotically inept as Gil make you feel like you don't deserve it." She smiled, "Besides. You know him. He doesn't mean anything by it, he just can't relate to anything that has less than six legs."

This made Sara smile a little. She took Catherine's hand from her face and put in her lap, "Thank you."

Catherine's eyes glittered, "No problem."

"No. Really, Cat. I don't know why you're being so good to me, but these last few days? I don't remember when I've felt so…so sure of myself and of where I'm headed. I don't know what I did to deserve this, I don't think I did anything- but, thank you."

Catherine used the hand not in wrapped in Sara's in their laps to cup the other woman's face, she looked seriously into her eyes, _God, when had her eyes become such a deep brown? Had they always held those flecks of gold?_ "I don't know what happened to make you have so little trust in other people, Sara, or so little faith in yourself-"

Sara started to pull away, but Catherine tugged her back and shook her head, "And I don't need to know." She assured the brunette, "But I need you to know that I'm sorry for making you doubt me. And that I wish I could take back these last years that we've been fighting. All the reasons I had for pushing you away seem pretty juvenile now." She brushed a stray hair out of Sara's face, "And you deserve to be safe and confident and happy because you're a good person, a sweet, kind, beautiful person. I know how hard it is for you to accept help from others. And I'm so happy that you're letting me be here for you. And I'll try to live up to the trust you've put in me. Okay?"

Sara sniffed loudly, smiled, and nodded. For her part, she had studied Catherine's face throughout the speech and searched for any signs of insincerity. She found none. There had been a moment when she thought Catherine was going to ask about her childhood, but the older woman seemed perfectly content to wait until Sara was ready to tell her, for which Sara was immeasurably grateful. "Okay."

Catherine smiled and instinctively leaned in to quickly peck Sara on the cheek, then she jumped up, "Now, let's go. Dry those eyes, little lady. This is going to be fun. The boys are going to be ecstatic!" Catherine spoke hurriedly to cover the blush she could feel creeping up her neck and turning her ears a rosy red.

_What had that been about?_ Sara was her friend, her good friend now. She should be able to kiss her without that tingling feeling running up and down her spine.

The blonde was so busy clearing her head that she didn't notice the brunette drop hers. _Okay, whoa._ _What was that?_ She didn't have a problem with the kiss per se, but…_oh no._ Sara's face flushed as she came to a realization. _But that was impossible_. She hadn't felt that in a kiss since college. Mandy Baker. That was more than ten years ago. Male or female, she hadn't gotten that kind of spark from anyone- including Grissom, for a very long time. _Shit._

Well, this was not the time to think about it. She had enough problems already. _Hey, had Catherine called her beautiful a minute ago?_ Sara shook her head. Not what she needed to be thinking about right now. She stood and followed Catherine out the door.

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**Yay! We finally get to see some Cath/Sara action! But what is to come? You'll just have to tune in and find out! So stick around, I'll post as fast as I can as long as, you know, you give me fantastic and numerous reviews! Kisses!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello my angels! Yes, that's right! I am back again! I hope you haven't lost too much faith in me, but the last few weeks have been total crap. But you know what I did today? Nothing. And that was freaking fantastic! I lazed about and watched TV. CSI. Criminal Minds. NCIS. Law & Order SVU. And after hour after hour of serial killers, rapists, cannibals, blood, guts, and really, **_**really**_** hot people, you know what I decided?**

**To quote Sugarland, I decided, 'some believe in destiny and some believe in fate, but I believe that happiness is something we create- and you'd best believe that I'm not gonna wait.'**

**Nope, not waiting. I am determined. Things will get better- they already have. So, no worries. I also decided that I should finish this chapter that has been a pain in my ass! But it is finished now and I think I** **am pleased with it. So, ready set read!**

****

"Okay, so what's the deal?" Nick asked when they were all crowded into a booth, waiting for their orders to arrive.

"Seriously, man. What's the big announcement? I would think the fact that you two are now apparently BFF is worthy of a breakfast celebration."

Warrick nodded, truly amazed at the scene in front of him. Not only were the two women sitting on the same side of the table, but they were also joking and touching; a playful slap, an elbow nudge. He could not get over it. He watched Catherine put a protective arm around Sara and whisper into her ear, apparently encouraging her to make the announcement. Sara nodded and turned to the guys.

"Okay, so here's the thing," Sara waited until she had there full attention. "I am five months pregnant." Catherine had said don't beat around the bush and don't babble, so she didn't.

There was a very long silence, but for some reason, this one didn't seem as foreboding as the one in Grissom's dark office a half an hour before.

"What?" Greg had a blank stare.

"Seriously?" Nick asked.

Catherine answered, "Yeah, seriously." She grinned, "I have ultrasound photos to prove it." She bent down to reach into her purse and pull out said photos. She passed them around.

The men looked at them, turning them over and around. "This is a baby?" Greg questioned.

"Yeah, see the head?"

Warrick gave the women a side-long glance, as if to say, 'I'll take your word for it.'

Nick handed the pics back, crossing his arms on the table. "So we get a mini Sara in, what, four months?"

Sara nodded, "Four-ish." She looked at the men who had come to be such a big part of her life. "So, what do you think?"

"Do we know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Both Catherine and Sara grinned and nodded, "It's a boy," Sara supplied. "Just found out last week."

"Snap!" Warrick yelled at the same time that Nick exclaimed, "Score!"

Catherine tossed her head back and laughed out loud; it made Sara a little uncomfortable to note that the bell-like sound sent flutters through her stomach, as did the shake of the redhead's shimmering hair. But she also felt the relief that flooded through her when that laugh rang out.

She realized that she had been feeling that relief for several days. She was able to push the other thoughts out of her mind. Catherine was her friend, she reasoned, she had been amazing and supportive over the last week and a half. Sara was grateful. She wanted to keep that friendship. It was far more important to her than any bizarre hormonal sex drive flare up.

"So you guys are okay with this?" She smiled.

"Are you kidding?" Greg asked, "This is great! Sara jr. with a testosterone boost? This is going to be the greatest kid ever."

"Right?" Warrick looked at Catherine, "I mean, you know how much we love Linds, but a boy?"

"I know you love Lindsey." The blonde patted the man's arm, "You're allowed to be excited."

"Man, this is going to be so cool!"

Nick did the gentlemanly thing and leaned over to hug and kiss Sara. Warrick and Greg were quick to follow. Sara didn't know what to do with all of the attention. She didn't miss the smirk on Catherine's face at her plight, but she also didn't miss the kind eyes above it. She smiled back and returned Nick's and then Warrick's hug. Greg hugged her for a little too long.

"Greg!" Catherine yelled, slapping him on the chest, "Are you seriously trying to cop a feel off a pregnant woman?"

The young man pulled back and blushed but by the time he was seated he had regained his cool, "What? She's still hot."

Sara glared over the blush in her cheeks. She felt a touch at her hand and looked down to see Catherine tugging at her fingers under the table. Those sparkling blue eyes flashed at her and she got a wink. "See? Told ya."

Sara felt a lump in her throat at that sparkling blue. She was relieved when the food arrived, and she wasn't alone. Catherine was more than a little worried about how endearing she was finding the rosy blush in Sara's cheeks. And those brown eyes. And that stubborn jaw. And that gap tooth smile. A voice interrupted the moment.

"So, who's the lucky guy?"

Sara shook herself out of her Catherine-induced daze. "Huh?"

"Who's the lucky guy?" Nick asked, a smile on his face.

Sara frowned, genuinely confused. "What guy?"

"You know," Greg pushed, gently. "Who's the dad?"

"Oh." Sara looked down at her meal.

Warrick saw the change in her behavior, "Hey, is he doing right by you?"

"Yeah, he's gonna take responsibility, right?"

"If he isn't, we can always _talk_ some sense into him." Nick grinned wickedly as he crunched his knuckles.

Sara gave him a weak smile but shook her head. "He uh…he doesn't know." She looked up again, "And I don't want him to."

The three men frowned. "You don't think he deserves to know he's got a child out there?" Warrick's voice wasn't judgmental, just questioning.

Sara shrugged, "It will just complicate things. He wasn't looking for this and if he finds out…he'll either take on a responsibility he never wanted or he'll want nothing to do with us- I'm not sure which one is worse."

The boys nodded. It was clear, at least to Catherine, that they had a lot they wanted to say on this topic. But out of respect for Sara's privacy and her choices, they kept quiet. For now. They did, however, exchange worried glances.

"Well, whatever your decision is," Nick spoke over the awkward silence that had suddenly pervaded the table, "We're behind you all the way, right guys?"

The other men nodded. "Yup," Warrick said, "Anytime you need anything, you know who to call."

"Except diaper changing," Greg was quick to add, "Absolutely no diaper changing." Nick and Warrick were quick to agree.

"You guys are such lame-asses," Catherine snorted her disbelief, waving hand, "I always think of you as these chivalrous men striving for a better future, and then you go saying something like that and I remember that you're all just a bunch of little boys playing with their toys."

Everyone laughed good-naturedly.

As they continued with their breakfast, Sara spoke up, "I just want to say thanks to all of you, for being so supportive. I don't know how I've made it through the last five months without you." She smiled, "But I think things will be a lot better from now on."

"Hey, you're the best kid sister we've ever had. What wouldn't we do for you?"

"She's no sister of mine," Greg said, shaking his head. "No way."

"No?" Catherine questioned, curious. "Then what is she?"

"My super hot friend." He nodded. When Catherine raised an eyebrow, he quickly continued, "Not that you're not my super hot friend too, its just you hit me when I look down your shirt and well, Sara doesn't."

Catherine turned to the other woman for an explanation.

"You look down my shirt?" Sara's eyes narrowed at Greg, "You little weasel!" She punched him in the arm across the table. "Just 'cause I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass."

"Not all the time" Greg tried to explain, "…just when you have the shirts with the buttons…"

Nick clapped a hand over the younger man's mouth, "You're just diggin' yourself in deeper, man."

Sara looked at Catherine, "I swear I had no idea, I've never noticed. I-" she stopped, thinking. Why was she justifying herself to Catherine? What business was it of hers? Her face flushed. There was nothing going on between them, no reason to feel guilty and yet, here she was rushing to explain. She felt a headache coming on fast. This was a rapidly growing problem that required some serious thought. The sooner she could get a grip on reality the better.

Sara realized that she had been holding eye contact with the other woman while she was spaced out. She knew it was going to grow awkward any second now. _Look away, look away! Look anywhere else!_ But 'anywhere else' had not been a good idea, because as soon as her gaze was away from Catherine's, it landed on the redhead's mouth- just as she was licking her lips. Obviously in hadn't been intentionally sexual, but it stirred something in Sara nonetheless.

"Uh…Hello? Earth to Catherine…" A hand waved in front of Catherine's vacant expression and she jerked her head back. She didn't know what had happened. One second she was smiling at Sara and the next…she just couldn't look away. She licked her lips self-consciously, her brain working overtime. She shuddered inwardly. She wasn't some fair innocent maiden, she knew what it meant to feel that long forgotten warmth burn in her cheeks. She knew the signs of attraction when they happened. She couldn't breathe, her pulse had quickened, and there was a rumbling in stomach like a stampede of wild horses. And if those weren't proof enough, there was always the party in her panties that could leave no doubt.

_Well shit._

****

**Tee hee. What did you think? Like it? Did I stay in character with the boys? That was one thing I was worried about. Are you excited that things are finally cooking between out two lovely leading ladies? Review, review, review! And I will deliver a new update as soon as I possibly can. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again! Here is another chapter for you! And I think it's the longest one so far. I really, really like this one and I hope you do too. There is a whole range of emotions and I want to know if nailed it and stayed true to character. You know how to reach me!**

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The following weekend found Catherine, Sara and Lindsey at the carnival. Sara was eating her second pretzel and relishing every bite. She had already had a popcorn, a fried dough, and a cotton candy. The last week had put her into full-fledged second trimester mode. She had also started to show a little. Not much, but there was definitely a bump.

Catherine laughed at the sight of Sara inhaling the pretzel.

"Wha?" Sara managed around a mouth full of bread.

Catherine laughed again, "You've got a little mustard…" she gestured all around the brunette's mouth. "Here, come here." She tipped her water bottle over a napkin and, taking Sara's chin in her hands, cleaned her up.

The younger woman stood still, patiently allowing the intimate gesture.

It had been nearly two weeks since the day they had announced the big news to the team and things were going pretty well. The women had fallen into a remarkably domestic routine. Morning rituals, sleep schedules, trading talk over hot mugs of tea. And even though Sara had been back at work for five days now, neither woman had spoken a word of Sara returning to her apartment.

All of that said, things were not as idyllic as they first appeared to be. There was a growing tension in the Willows house, and if the women weren't discussing it, that didn't mean they weren't both very aware of it. Touching Sara came naturally to Catherine, and it had come to the point where both women were comfortable with her little strokes and reassuring pats and taps. But there were times when it didn't seem so entirely innocent.

Like the time when she rested her head in the brunette's lap during a movie. Or the time she took her hand when they were walking through the park with Lindsey. It wasn't for very long, but still. And what about when she whispered so close to Sara's ear that she could feel the warm breath on her face?

Of course, Sara never said a word. Perhaps because she was not so innocent herself. Okay, so while she had grown comfortable with the older woman's physical attention, she was still hesitant to initiate it herself. But there were other ways she could make up for that. Constant compliments, some very un-Sara like blushes and shy smiles, and as of this week, gifts.

The book, the movie for Lindsey, the beautiful birdfeeder for outside, and the new high-tech coffee pot were all, Sara explained, meant to thank Catherine for everything she'd done. But if she were being truthful with herself, she knew her real reason for the purchases were so that she could see the redhead's hundred-watt smile and know that she had been the source of it. Her heart would hammer in her chest and she would find herself returning that smile with one of her own.

And this morning, she had surprised the Willows girls with a pancake breakfast and a trip to the carnival. Though whether the carnival was more for them or for her, it was hard to say. One thing was for sure, however; the two women were trapped in their mounting tension, like a pressure cooker- and every day it grew just a little bit closer to its boiling point. But if they weren't going to recognize it as sexual tension, it was bound to erupt in any way it could.

"These are seriously good," Sara said, meaning the pretzel.

"I bet." Catherine could not get over how cute Sara was like this- as excited as a little kid.

"Sara, can I have a bite?" Lindsey asked.

Sara scowled, looking like she was actually considering not sharing with the girl. Catherine elbowed her gently in the side, "We can get you another one, be nice."

At this Sara forked over the pretzel, "Actually, I wanted to try one of those caramel apple things next." She pointed out a concession stand.

Catherine pulled out a few singles and handed them over, "Geez, Sara, haven't you ever eaten carnival food before?"

"No, are you kidding? Do you know what this crap is made out of?" Whatever it was, it wasn't keeping Sara from dragging her and Lindsey towards the rows of candy-dipped apples. "Any time I've been to one of these things has been for a crime scene- usually at night. And when I was a kid, my parents never really had the time or the money to take us to places like this." Sara paid the woman behind the counter and took a huge bite. "Oh my God," she said a moment later. "This is incredible. Catherine, you have to try this!"

But Catherine's eye had been caught by something over Sara's shoulder. _Whatever it was,_ the brunette surmised, _it wasn't making her happy._ Sara turned around. A woman a few yards away was eyeing her strangely. Seeing that Sara was watching her, she smiled and winked. Sara blinked.

Catherine had seen the woman clearly ogling Sara's legs, ass, back, arms; the stranger was practically leering at the brunette. Catherine's eyes narrowed. Without thinking, she took a big step forward. The movement got the stranger woman's attention. Catherine gave her the look; jaw set, eyes locked, and one seriously displeased eyebrow raised. The woman got the picture. She held up her hands in mock surrender, smiled one more time, and disappeared into the crowd.

"What was that?" Sara asked, trying and failing to conceal her amusement.

"I can't believe someone would sexually harass a pregnant woman like that," Catherine muttered, blushing.

"I don't think she could tell I was pregnant. And sexual harassment? Cat, I didn't even notice. Besides," Sara smirked, "looking isn't exactly against the law…"

Something about that statement really rubbed Catherine the wrong way. She handed her daughter a few tickets, "Linds, baby, why don't you go play the arcade, okay?"

"Cool!"

"Stay where I can see you."

"Okay, Mom." The girl became ambled into the child-packed arcade.

Catherine whirled on Sara, feeling a familiar heat flow through her veins. Her voice came out as a harsh whisper, "You act like you want people looking."

Sara shrugged, somewhat enjoying seeing Catherine angry for the first time in weeks. Not that she understood what had brought on the aggression. "I'm single, I don't see the problem."

"You don't?"

Sara shrugged again, trying to control her smirk. She'd never realized how sexy Catherine was when she was worked up. That said, something was wrong with this picture.

"Sara, you're about to have a baby. Its irresponsible." Okay, that comment stung a little and Sara dropped the smirk. She would never do anything to that wasn't her son's best interest. Was that what Catherine was accusing her of?

Sara, getting heated now, laughed darkly. "That's rich. I can't date because I'm going to be a mother?" Sara stepped into the blonde's personal space, "That's a little hypocritical, Catherine, don't you think?" The brunette winced even as the words left her mouth.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Catherine's eyes flashed with a sudden spark of fury. Since the shooting, she and Sara had successfully avoided any serious fighting. And now…she really didn't want to fight now, but it felt good to release some of the energy that had building in her all week.

Sara rolled her eyes, "I don't know, Catherine, what do you think it means?"

The strawberry blond knew this was getting out of control, knew she should stop it before momentum took them somewhere they would regret. She _knew_ that.

But their was a fire flickering and dancing in Sara's eyes, a fire that banished her hunger and quenched her thirst. Heat colored her cheeks, her heart pounded in her chest, air was suddenly in short supply. She felt _alive_. "_I think" _she lowered her voice, "that I'm going to ignore you just said that because your hormones are running on high." Without thinking, Catherine pushed Sara's shoulder with three fingers. Not hard but just hard enough so that the brunette had take a step back to stay balanced.

Sara froze and spoke through gritted teeth, "Don't touch me." Her voice was deadly low and poisonous, but laced with something else.

_It's almost as if she's afraid of me_, Catherine thought, _or in pain._

As fast as it had started, the argument was over. Catherine would have been blind not to see the rigidity that ran through Sara's body, and the hot blood that had been running through her own suddenly turned to ice in her veins. She immediately let her hand fall, bringing it to cover her mouth.

"Shit. Sara," Catherine looked horrified, "Sara, I am so sorry." She took a step back.

Sara closed her eyes slowly, fighting to master her emotions. "It's fine. I just…I'm sorry. I provoked you on purpose. I should have backed down right away. I guess I was starting to feel weird about us not fighting, but this…as soon as we started I wanted to stop. It was all wrong. I hope you know I didn't mean what I was implying. I'm sorry."

Catherine stepped forward once more; hesitantly she put her hands on the other woman's waist. When Sara did nothing to resist, Catherine brought her arms around, encircling the lanky woman's waist and resting her head on Sara's chest.

"I'm sorry, too. I don't know what came over me. I wouldn't hurt you; you know that, right? I would never touch you in anger. Not ever. I screwed up." She wiped at less than dry eyes, the guilt at putting that look of fear on Sara's face overflowing. "I really screwed up." She was disgusted with herself. She knew, or at least she suspected that there had been some form of physical abuse in the brunette's family growing up. Damn. Yeah, she had screwed up big time. "I am so, so sorry, Sara, so sorry."

Sara rested her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders, nestling her nose into Catherine's hair. She closed her eyes and reveled in the embrace, but her brain was in a spin. "It's okay, Cath. I'm okay."

Lindsey came up a few minutes later carrying a very large stuffed rabbit and bag of water that turned out to contain a small goldfish, "I ran out of tickets, mommy, but look what I won!"

**IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOSara'SPOVIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI**

It's almost embarrassing. Twenty years of living my own life far away from them- twenty years of friends and lovers and hard work. And all it takes is an angry voice and a single touch. And I still cringe like scared puppy. My instincts have changed- thanks to self-defense classes and kickboxing at the gym twice a week, I no longer crumble the way I used to. I can and have defended myself. I'm not that little girl anymore. But that brings up another long familiar question. Is there a murder gene?

If Catherine had pushed me any further, what would I have done? Sometimes, when we used to argue regularly, I felt so close to the edge of losing it that it terrified me. I felt powerful and strong, there was a fire in my chest that threatened to take over my entire body. I've never hurt anyone except in self-defense- but that doesn't mean I couldn't.

I just get so frustrated sometimes, my anger ricochets inside my brain and I need to let it out. I was always afraid I'd lose my control, but now? With Catherine in my life? With my son growing inside of me? I was scared shitless that I'd take it too far someday. I try not to think about it, telling myself all of the assuring things people say to themselves to make it better. But deep down, I'm not always so sure. I always said that I could never take another life. But maybe I just hope I couldn't.

And Catherine. Should I be trying to protect her? I love being with her and the last couple of weeks have been great. But there is so much she doesn't know. Would she want to help me if she knew the whole truth? Part of me knows that she doesn't judge people that way. But another part, the part that has been turned away and dismissed my whole life, doesn't quite believe it. Its just wishful thinking to imagine someone who could understand all of me. Want all of me. Love all of me.

****

**I had a dream last night that I had over three hundred reviews for this fic. Just imagine my disappointment when I realize its only half that! Of course, that many would be too much to ask for and I am definitely not complaining, because you are all wonderful and every review I get puts a smile on my face. All I'm saying is that with the 'traffic' feature, I know how many of you are reading this and I know the percentage that are reviewing. raises eyebrow. And for those of you not reviewing- I know who you are…**

**Actually, that's a complete lie. I have no idea who you are, that is why we all have our secret code names, isn't it? But I wouldn't sound scary and intimidating if I said 'watch out because I can do absolutely nothing to you.' Oh no, wait…there is something I could do. But its mean- really mean. Tell me, how do you feel about cliffhangers? :D**

**That's what I thought! Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello, hello again! How are you all doing? I'm busy busy busy with all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season; buying, wrapping, decorating and all that jazz. I have to say that I really love this time of year, it just makes me all warm inside. **

**So, time to read, right? I think this may be the chapter so many of you have been waiting for- super exciting! Well? Go on, read it!**

****

At home that night, Sara contemplated going to bed early and avoiding the conversation she knew they were going to have. But, she recognized, that usually only made things worse. So, while Catherine was putting Lindsey to bed, Sara made tea and went outside to the lawn chairs. Ever since that first night, it had become the women's nightly ritual. Sometimes they talked, most nights they just relaxed. Tonight, Sara knew, there would be talking.

And there would be no escaping it, because it was the other woman's night off and she had traded shifts with Warrick before she'd bought the carnival tickets. They had the night to themselves. Sara thought of the other woman and sighed. How did she get here? Right here. Sitting in a friend's reclining beach chair in the middle of the night, pregnant, with a growing attraction to said friend. Her new friend. Her _straight_ friend. Catherine Willows. Damn.

Stepping through the sliding glass door, Catherine took her regular seat beside the younger woman. She lifted her mug of tea to her lips. She wasn't sure which one of them was supposed to start the conversation she knew they had to have. After several minutes, when Sara had made no move to begin, Catherine exhaled. Why was this so hard? Why was it easier to fight than it was to talk and to listen? Its not like she _wanted_ to fight with Sara. It was almost like she couldn't help it. And these days, the urge to argue was even greater, partially because they were living in such close quarters, but mostly because whenever she thought of it, she imagined ripping the younger woman's clothes off. She shook herself to get rid of that appealing image. It was not going to help this little chat that she was apparently going to have to begin.

"Sara," she spoke cautiously, "about this afternoon…"

"Don't worry about it." Sara's voice was halted.

"Well, I'm going to worry about it no matter what, but that's actually not what I was going to say."

"No?"

"No. I think we need to figure out why we fight so much. Because whatever the reason is, it clearly didn't just magically disappear over the last couple of weeks."

Sara shrugged, "It's our dynamic."

"Yeah," Catherine sighed, "well, it's not a healthy one."

Sara put her teacup in the grass and turned face toward the other woman, "Look. At work, in our personal lives, this tension builds up and it needs a release. For some reason, you just seem like the best candidate to…release onto."

"Likewise, I think. But why? Why would we do that? We are clearly more than capable of getting along."

The brunette shrugged again. She didn't have another viable explanation, so she changed the subject, "Why were you being so aggressive in the first place? Are you actually upset that I would want to date someone?"

"No." Catherine's response sounded like it had come from a sullen child. "No, I'm not. But you didn't see the way that woman was leering at you."

"I'm a big girl, Cath, I can take care of myself. Besides, she could have been perfectly nice. Don't tell me you've never checked out someone behind their back."

"I-" Catherine shut her mouth. She had been doing just that to Sara all week. "I still didn't like it. It was distasteful. Besides, you were clearly there with Lindsey and me. She might not have been able to tell you were pregnant, but you certainly could have not been single." Catherine took a breath before she asked her next question. She tried to sound casual, "And anyway, are you saying you would consider having a relationship with a woman?"

Sara snorted rather loudly and rolled her eyes in the dark. Okay, so they hadn't had that conversation yet. Well, now was as good a time as any, right? "Catherine, come on."

"What?"

"I've only had three semblances of real relationships with _men_. This guy in college, Hank, and Brian- though I'm not sure that really counts either. Aside from them and a few drunken hook ups about a decade ago, I've only ever dated women."

Catherine paused. "Really?"

"Really truly."

"Huh." Catherine sat back in her chair, letting that not-so-little piece of news sink in. Okay, how had she not seen that coming?

"What?"

"Just thinking. Why didn't I know that? I'm an investigator for Christ's sake."

"Well. I'm not the flag bearing, t-shirt wearing, cover my car in rainbow bumper stickers type. It's not exactly something I advertise."

"True, it not like I really-" Catherine cut herself short. Did she want to take this step? What would happen if they both outed themselves?

She did some very quick thinking. There were about a million ways it could turn out. But she could only think of three that seemed the most likely. 1) It wouldn't change a thing. 2) Things could get really awkward because Sara clearly didn't feel anything for her. 3) They would hook up. Number three was an exciting prospect. Of course, should they really do that even if it was a possibility? Sara wasn't exactly in a stable place in her life. But so far, her relationship with Catherine had only done more to stabilize that life. And Catherine really wanted to kiss those lips…

If they didn't get together, then maybe they could continue to be close friends. But what if they did get together and then they broke up? What would that mean for her and Lindsey? For Sara and the baby? On the other hand, what if they didn't break up? Catherine wasn't ready to stake her life on a bet that Sara was the love of her life, but she did like her and care for her and want the best for her- and there was nothing wrong in the attraction department. If it all went wrong, the worst that could happen was they would go back to the way things were. Was she willing to risk that?

Making her decision, Catherine continued quietly, "No one at work except Warrick and Grissom know that I play both fields." Apprehension settled somewhere low in her gut as she waited for a response.

Sara nodded for a second before her brain processed what she'd just heard. Then her head whipped around. "You what?" Her mouth gaped. _But…_her mind protested, _but…_"But…you're straight."

Laughing, Catherine felt herself relax a little, "All evidence to the contrary, sweetheart."

How was that possible? "Prove it."

It was the older woman's turn to roll her eyes. "Let's see…Helen Mayes, eighth grade- my first kiss and French kiss and second base. Melissa Miller- took my v-card in the tenth grade, then Eileen Mahoney for a year after high school, then Saskia Kirkova; Russian ballerina, my first in Vegas. Not to mention the girls from when I was dancing; not that that was much more than meaningless sex, Stephanie was my only serious woman and we were never dating anyway. And then after the divorce, I was with Diana Cleary for six months, pretty casual. And…I guess I've been having a bit of a dry spell, lately." She blushed/

Sara felt a bit dazed; well this was a surprise. "Diana Cleary? From Narco? Is gay?"

"Yeah, she's in a committed relationship now with Leslie Simmons from IA."

"She's with someone from IA?" Sara grimaced, "That's just gross."

"You obviously haven't seen Leslie Simmons; tall, blonde, body like Jennifer Lopez. That woman should not be parked behind a desk."

Sara sat back. "Hmph. I still say it's wrong to date someone from Internal Affairs."

There was a silence before Catherine asked, "So?"

"So what?"

"Are you going to say anything about what I just told you?"

"About being bi?" Sara had a few ideas as to what she'd like to say, but she doubted they were what Catherine wanted to hear. "What's there to say? Besides you haven't commented on my confession and I said it first."

"What, are we in grade school now? Fine; I don't have a problem with it, obviously if I did, I would be a bit of hypocrite."

"No kidding. Alright, same goes for me. Does this mean you will stop standing between me and perfectly attractive women at carnivals?"

"No, it doesn't. It's my job to keep you safe."

Sara snorted again. "You're keeping me safe from getting laid?"

"No, smartass, I'm keeping you safe from getting emotionally scarred when you're life is already about to change so much already."

"Thanks, _Mom_." Sara sneered. She immediately regretted it.

Catherine sat up, her patience wearing thin. She put her bare feet on the grass. "Sara…" She sighed. _What was she supposed to say to that?_ She through up her hands, "I'm going to bed."

"What? It's not even ten o'clock."

"I'm tired."

"Bullshit. Now you're just going to run away from our fights?"

"I am not running away from anything. I am walking away before I say something I'll regret." She stood.

Sara followed suit. "Ah! Cat! What the hell?"

The tone of her voice was hurt and not angry. Catherine felt her heart tug. She took a deep breath and faced the other woman. "I don't know, Sara. It's just been a long day."

"But…" Sara reached out to touch the other woman's shoulder.

Catherine inhaled sharply. The contact both relaxed Catherine and lit a fire inside her. It wasn't often that the brunette initiated contact between them. So far, she had only done so in extremely stressful moments. Why was now stressful for Sara? They had argued a hundred times before… Sara was looking at the grass when Catherine looked up.

"I didn't mean to bait you, Cath. It's just my auto-response, you know?"

The younger woman's fingertips had ghosted down Catherine's arm and were now tracing lines around her wrist. The blonde's thoughts blurred in her mind at the touch, and she found it hard to speak, "Yeah. No. It's umm…it's okay…Sorry- me too." The sensuality of Sara's fingertips was making her incoherent. _Why must Sara insist on talking when her eyes just needed to roll up in her head?_

"Okay, umm…Sara-" Was it just her, or were they getting closer together?  
"Cath…" Sara inhaled deeply. She tugged at Catherine's fingertips with her own. It was suddenly hard to keep her eyes open.

It wasn't her imagination, somehow the two women were now only inches apart. Catherine tilted her head up until she feel the other woman's breath against her cheek.

"Catherine," Sara inquired again, her voice was filled with the roll of thunder before a storm.

"Mmm?" Catherine hummed her question. Her eyes had fluttered shut and her nose rested lightly against the younger woman's cheek.

Her voice now hushed like a swift summer rain, the brunette whispered, "Can I kiss you?"

The reply came without hesitation. "God, yes."

****

**Tee Hee! Finally, right? Of course we've still got a long way to go, but at least they are now aware of their very mutual attraction! Did you like it? Then you know what to do!**

**I'm going to try to get one more update in before I leave for oh so beautiful Hawaii, but I might not get there, just to warn you. So if this is the last time I see you for awhile, happy happy and merry merry and and a joyous new year to all! And in case you don't hear from me, how about Christmas come early and lets send me way over 200, kay?**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello there! I know, its been ages, and I am sorry. I have just returned from tropical paradise with memories of orchids and sea turtles. And I come bearing an update. Not much to say on this one except that I hope you like it!**

****

Catherine practically lunged forward. Sara stepped in too, but just before their lips touched she pulled back.

"Wait, really?" She looked disbelieving.

Catherine's blue eyes forced themselves open. She blinked, panting, "Yes, really." She leaned in again.

But Sara took another step back. "Why?"

"Why?" Catherine asked desperately, she felt like the kid who couldn't reach the cookie jar. "Why what? Why do I want to kiss you?"

The dark-haired woman nodded.

Catherine saw the look of skepticism in Sara's eyes and the rigidity of her stance. Crap. Apparently they were going to need to talk about this. She sat back down, ran one hand through her hair, waving the other expressively.

"I don't know. Probably something to do with the amazing combination sexy, brilliant, and mysterious that you are."

"Poetic."

"Thank you." Catherine brought her hand from her hair to her lap.

Sara returned to her chair as well. Both women looked to the stars.

"Why? Why do you want to kiss me?"

"Similar line of reasoning."

Catherine smiled. "Timing's a bit crap though, isn't it?"

Sara laughed. "Yeah. Three weeks ago we all but couldn't stand each other, then we become best friends, now I can't think about you without wanting to take you right then and there."

"Really?"

Sara was grateful that the evening covered her blush. She hadn't exactly meant to say that last bit aloud. "Well…you know what I mean."

"Yeah." Catherine knew exactly what she meant. Only in her scenario she was not the only one being taken. "For the record though? I never couldn't stand you."

"No," Sara looked down at her hands in her lap. Her voice was low, "Me either."

Catherine looked over and offered her hand to the brunette who took it gently, "God, we are some pair, aren't we?"

Sara nodded. She paused before asking hesitantly, "How long have you been thinking about kissing me?"

"I don't know. It's probably been coming on for a while now. But the first concrete thought? Right after we talked to Gil- in the locker room."

"When you kissed me on the cheek?"

"Yeah."

"Me too. Although, if we're being honest. I first entertained the idea when I had just arrived in Vegas."

"Actually, so did I. When you swaggered into the lab in that cute top."

"I did not swagger! And I was thinking of when you made that prank phone call to catch that SOB who killed Holly, you were so incredibly cute. And sexy," Sara added quietly.

"But then things didn't go too well from there…"

"No…"

Sara intertwined their fingers and scratched her forehead, "Well…"

Catherine smiled, "So…"

"You really want to kiss me?" Sara asked. "Really?"

The blonde laughed, and said predatorily, "Among other things."

Sara blushed and was quiet.

"Hey, you…" Catherine kissed their joined hands. "Come 'ere." Catherine tugged on Sara's arm.

Hesitantly, Sara came and lay beside her on the chair.

Catherine wrapped an arm around the taller woman and kissed her brow. Brushing the hair from her face, she forced Sara to look her in the eye.

"Sara…" she began, trying to find the right words, "Sara, the timing is off, I'll admit. And maybe if you had never gotten shot, neither of us would have ever felt the need to act on what's growing between us." She kissed the brunette's cheek sweetly, "But when I saw that woman checking you out today," she made a face, "I lost it- though not as much as when you said you didn't mind. I couldn't stand the thought of you with someone else- anyone else."

Almost reverently, Sara reached out and touched the older woman's cheek, "Why would I want to be with anyone else? You're an angel. "

The redhead smiled broadly; it was the first time she could remember caring about the truth of those words. People were always telling her stuff like that, but it had never mattered. Before Sara, she had never cared if it was true. But all of a sudden, it mattered. When Sara paid her a compliment, it was like hearing it for the first time.

Catherine took a deep breath and ran a hand down Sara's arm and interlaced their fingers, "So, what do you say, hmm?"

"What do I say to what?"

Catherine rolled her eyes, "What do you say to kissing me? And…" She really hoped she wasn't pushing too far. "And seeing where this goes- where it takes us?"

Sara was quiet.

On the one hand, she was all for it. She more than liked Catherine; she was attractive, intelligent, and way out of her league. On the other hand though, she had her son to think about. Was this a good thing to be getting into right now? Sara thought about Catherine's devotion to her daughter and her willing support over the last few weeks and found her answer. But she had to be sure.

"What about the baby?" She asked.

Catherine smiled; she knew this was a test, and she was determined to pass with flying colors. Pushing up on her elbow, the older woman put a hand on Sara's hip and pulled her close until she could feel her slight belly push into her own flatter stomach. Then, with a hand on the small bump, she said,

"Sara…this baby…" She shook her head, "Look, whether we work out as a couple or not, I will always want to know and love him, okay? That's not going to change. If we do work, then…we'll see, okay. But I'd love to play as big a role in his life as you'll let me. Just like I would love for you to play a bigger part in Lindsey's life."

Sara jumped at that bit of news, "What? Really?" She knew how much trust Catherine had to have in someone to involve

"Of course. But, let's just take it one day at a time for now, okay?"

Sara managed to look both relieved and disappointed.

"Not because I'm not certain of us," Catherine assured, "I really think we've got a shot. This is just a lot at once."

Sara closed her eyes and envisioned a life with Catherine; playing with her son in the new backyard, picking Lindsey up from a friend's house while Catherine was at work- going out to dinner while Lindsey took care of the baby. When she compared that image to one of raising her baby alone, it just wasn't a competition. She clamped down on her brain before she could get too carried away. She knew she shouldn't get ahead of herself. But…she had never been this certain in other relationships- she would take Catherine any way she could, for as long as she could.

"One day at a time…" she started, reaching tentatively for Catherine's cheek once more, "I can do that."

Catherine felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders and she leaned into the brunette's touch. A moment later, Sara's lips touched hers for the first time. They were yielding, sweet, and explorative. She returned the kiss with equal parts of curiosity and warmth. When their lips parted, minutes later, she searched the brunette's eyes and smiled at the light in them.

For Sara's part, she ducked her head to rest it on the redhead's chest. She felt safe in the arms of this woman. Safe and so many other things. Trusted. Needed. Wanted. Loved.

****

**How was that? Kisses, kisses, yay! A little short, I know, but sweet, right? And don't worry, I'm hard at work on the next chapter. I'm also working on a little something new and if you want to read it, you'll have to let me know…;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello all! I know that this is an update long overdue, but I hope I've been entertaining you with Reunions & Revelations. I've been working hard all day to get this out to you, and I am excited to see what you think. This chapter is the beginning of what I got inspired to write in the first place, so I hope you like it.**

**XXXX**

Sara scrunched her nose as she walked down what felt like the umpteenth aisle of baby furniture. Catherine was twenty minutes late. They had met up after shift and agreed to meet at the store an hour later. But here it was, twenty after nine and there was no sign of Catherine Willows.

Sara peaked idly at a price tag and dropped it like it was on fire. How could one baby be so expensive? And why did they need so much stuff?

"May I help you, miss?" Sara jumped in her skin and turned to see a middle-aged woman in a pink apron and collared white blouse that had gone out of style some time in the early eighties.

"What?" Sara questioned, still startled.

"Well, I noticed that this was the third time you've walked down this aisle, and I couldn't help wondering if you needed some assistance." She had a kind smile and bright eyes, and despite her poor fashion sense, Sara got guessed that she was probably pretty nice.

"Oh, uhh…" Sara wasn't the greatest at situations like this, and she glanced longingly at the exit, willing Catherine to walk in and save her from this well-intentioned woman. But she didn't appear. So Sara took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts together. "I'm not sure. I'm waiting for my…girlfriend- she's much better at this whole shopping…thing." Her girlfriend. Sara was hesitant to say it out loud. After all, it had only been a couple of weeks, and despite their constant talks about the future, they had yet to discuss where their relationship stood now. But she couldn't just say Catherine was her friend, that felt cheap somehow; dishonest.

The last two weeks had brought many changes in the lives of both Sara and Catherine. For one thing, they were ecstatic. Joking, laughing, they just didn't seem to be able to stop smiling. At the office they were at the top of their game, solving cases in record time- and they never left the lab more than a minute late, anxious to get home and just be together. It had been nearly a month since the brunette had first walked into the older woman's home, and she had never left. It now seemed that she would be spending most of her life there until the time came for her to move into her new home. But neither woman talked about that, neither able to imagine life without the other. Sara felt like her world had been turned inside out and where there had once been emptiness and uncertainty in her life, now she had Catherine and Lindsey and the baby to fill her with energy and joy. So, girlfriend? She certainly hoped so. Because she never wanted this feeling to end.

"I see…Well, do you know what you're looking for in a general sense?"

Sara frowned at the woman as if she had just said something completely absurd. "Baby stuff," she pointed at her belly and then gestured at the rows and rows of merchandise, "Stuff for babies."

The other woman laughed good-naturedly, "Of course. Is this your first?"

Sara nodded.

"I can always tell the new parents apart." She waved a hand, "Always that little bit of terror mixed in with the excitement."

"Really?" Sara asked, curious in spite of herself.

"Oh, sure. Now, if this is your first, then we are starting with a clean slate, aren't we?"

Sara nodded, twisting side to side, hands in pockets, trying not to turn towards the door. Where the hell was Catherine?

"Do you have a theme or a color scheme picked out? What style were you thinking about?" The woman's smile seemed permanent.

Sara felt a headache coming on. "Umm, I really hadn't thought about it. I suppose something…baby-ish, right? Like cute animals or whatever. You know, I really think we should wait for my girlfriend, she knows a lot more about this than I do."

The woman nodded, understanding. "I tell you what, why don't you keep looking around until she comes, and I'll start pulling out some options?"

"What do you mean?" How many options could there be?

"Well, we've got a lot of different sets and you can always mix and match depending on what you're going for. Do you know the sex?"

"Yeah," Sara couldn't help but smile, "He's a boy."

"Oh, that's wonderful- I've got three sons myself. All grown now; my first grandchild is due next month, a granddaughter. I love my boys, but its about time we had a baby girl in the house." The woman waved a hand and turned away, her smile still in place.

Sara inspected her watch, Catherine was now twenty-three minutes late. She pulled her cell phone out and walked toward the front of the store.

"_Hey, you've reached the cell phone of Catherine Willows. Either I can't come to the phone right now or I just really don't like you. You know the drill; Name. Number. Beep."_

Frustrated, Sara hung up and turned back into the store. Haphazardly, she looked through a bin of half price infant clothing. Just then, the jingle of bells signaled someone entering the shop. There stood Catherine with a very oddly wet pair of jeans. Despite her frustration, Sara had to cover a smile.

Catherine followed Sara's eyes and then looked up, dismayed. "It looks like I've peed myself, doesn't it?"

"Just a little," Sara said, trying to be kind. "What happened?"

"Some jerk. Cut me off while I was leaving the Starbucks parking lot. I braked to avoid him and my scalding hot coffee went straight down my front- I'm serious, I may have permanent scarring. Then I was going to go home and change but at that point I was closer to the lab than to the house, and I always keep a change of clothes there. But when I got to my locker, I remembered that I had used my spare pair of slacks after that dumpster diving expedition on Tuesday and hadn't replaced them yet. So I changed my top and bra and then spent way too much time trying to scrub the coffee out of the crotch of my jeans because I figured the only thing worse than a crotch stain is a brown crotch stain." Catherine was winded by the time the story ended. She wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck. "But none of that excuses me for being late." She kissed her chastely on the lips and pouted. "Can you forgive me?"

Sara looked at that face and her shoulders sagged. "Of course." She returned the kiss just as sweetly and took Catherine by the hand. "Come on. There is so much baby crap in this store, we could be here all day if we don't get a move on."

Catherine laughed. "Overwhelmed?"

Sara stopped, rolling her eyes. "You have no idea. Does a baby really need all of this…stuff?"

"This and a whole lot more." The redhead pulled the reluctant younger woman deeper into the store, pausing to give her another quick kiss and a grin.

"Oh, this is the girlfriend then, is it?" The woman who had been talking to Sara earlier appeared from seemingly nowhere. She smiled absently. "You know, when you said your girlfriend was coming, I just assumed you meant, you know; a friend that is also a girl, but obviously I was mistaken. But just look at you two, such a sweet couple." She clapped her hands together. "Anyway, I pulled you a few things to help give you ideas, if you'll just follow me to the register."

Sara began to follow, but Catherine stopped her with a hand on her chest. Sara looked down to see mischievous eyes. "Girlfriend, huh?" The redhead quirked an eyebrow.

The brunette fumbled her words, hoping she wasn't in trouble. "Well, I, uh…I didn't know what else…and I didn't want to say friend but I…"

Catherine beamed up at Sara, patting her cheek. "Its okay. I like it. Now come on, _girlfriend, _we've got shopping to do."

The younger woman groaned and dragged her feet. "I hate shopping, let's just come back at night and rob the place; we'll hide all the evidence and its way better than shopping."

**XXXX**

But they did shop. And Diane, for that was the name of the saleswoman, was an amazing help, especially when the girlfriends didn't see eye to eye.

"What about frogs as the theme for the nursery, Sara? Look at this blanket, aren't they cute?"

Sara made a face. "Maybe a little too cute."

Catherine sighed. "Well then, I am out of ideas. You didn't like the bears, the trains, the ducks, or the jungle animals."

"I just don't want something that is dumb, that's all. In the real world, bears and jungle animals are not cute and cuddly, trains are dangerous, and ducks…well, ducks are just dumb- no offense, Diane."

"None taken. Perhaps we would get going faster if you told me what you're looking for."

"I don't know what I'm looking for." Sara was beginning to think this was hopeless.

"Well, when you and your baby are in his room, what do you want him to experience? Is it fun? Is it silly? Or maybe its more serious than that. What can you visualize? When you close your eyes, what do you feel?"

Sara did not close her eyes, but she did stare at the carpeted floor for a long moment before she looked up. "I want him to feel safe," she replied, focusing her attention on Diane. "I want him to know that he is loved, and not alone. I want him to be hopeful, to know that everything will be okay, I want him to know that the universe is a beautiful place. But most of all, I want him to feel safe."

Diane nodded, smiling. "I have just the thing, honey. Just give me one second, I'll be right back."

When Sara turned to Catherine, she saw the redhead was studying her intently with a strange expression on her face.

Sara looked away nervously, "What?"

Catherine picked up on the uncertain tone of the brunette's voice and sighed. "Nothing," she smiled and stood on her toes to kiss her girlfriend's lips sweetly. "You're just a beautiful person, that's all."

Sara shifted uneasily, not sure how to respond to that. But Diane returned a moment later, arms full of packages. When Sara saw the theme that the saleswoman had brought with her, she beamed. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Her son would sleep every night safe and loved beneath a blanket of stars.

**XXXX**

**What do you think? Any idea where I'm headed with this one? Any idea where you want me to go? Let me know in your beautiful reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello, my wonderful readers! I know it has been so freaking long since I've updated this, but I hope you never stopped believing that I would someday post again. And I promise that the next update will not take anywhere near as long. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it, after all, it did take me more than two months to get it down! **

**XXXX**

"Come on, Lindsey!"

"You can do it, Linds!"

"Watch out for the screen!"

Catherine glanced at Sara watching as Lindsey she made her way down the court. "What's a screen?" she wanted to know.

"It's a defensive set up." Sara explained, "Keeps the person with the ball from getting to the basket. Its an important offensive strategy to always be aware of you opponent's screens."

"Where did you learn about basketball?" The redhead watched her daughter pass the ball off.

Sara hesitated while she mentally kicked herself. Well, she wasn't about to lie. "My…uh, my brothers played in high school." She was looking straight ahead.

Catherine drew her eyes away from the game. She frowned. "Brothers? I didn't know you had any siblings."

Sara kept her eyes on the court. "No?" She coughed. "Oh, well…I have two brothers." Both women cheered as a girl on Lindsey's team made a lay up.

"Older?"

"Hmm?"

"Your brothers? Are they older?"

"Oh, yeah."

"By how much?" Catherine pressed.

Sara sighed, looking frustrated. "Frederick is thirty seven and that means Jesse is almost thirty-five. Do you think that forward on the other team is really only ten? She's huge."

Catherine recognized a subject change when she heard one, but she tucked this new information into the back of her mind and saved it for a rainy day.

She had about a million questions, not the least of which was why Sara hadn't mentioned her family before this. They had been together almost a month and they still hadn't had that conversation. And that wasn't the only thing they hadn't had. She studied Sara's profile as the other woman watched the game.

They had kissed- lord, had they kissed. It was enough to get a nun all hot and bothered. And making out was a regular occurrence, regular enough that Lindsey had begun to announce her entrance into any room they might be in. And they slept together every night. Emphasis on the 'slept', because that was all they did. It would be another two weeks until Sara could move into her new house, and it just seemed silly for her to stay in the guest bedroom when there was an open invitation to the room down the hall.

Every morning, they would change out of work clothes, brush teeth, and get in bed. And then the kissing would commence. Catherine was learning to live from one of those kisses to the next- no one had ever sent tingle down her spine just from touching her lips. But eventually, the kissing would turn to heavy petting and heavy petting turned to wandering hands, and whenever it got that point, Sara would ease up and then, after a moment, stop altogether. She would give Catherine one more kiss, and then she would say goodnight. That was it. And Catherine was left sizzling.

But what was she going to do? Just because she'd always rushed into sex in all her other relationships, didn't mean that it was a bad thing to wait. Did she want it? Yeah, you could say that. Okay, you could scream it. But she knew this was an emotional time for Sara and she didn't want to push. The brunette's desperate kisses told her that their attraction was very mutual. So she had nothing to worry about, right? But the younger woman's abrupt behavior said that something was holding her back. Catherine suspected that Sara was insecure about her changing figure. It probably wasn't the only reason, but it certainly didn't help. Sara had been thin her entire life, and in the last few weeks, she had really popped. Her belly definitely looked like there was a growing baby in there. And yes, her ankles were swollen and her face had filled out a bit. But if she thought that any of that would deter Catherine from wanting to make love with her, she was very mistaken.

But clearly, Sara was not ready to be intimate just yet. So Catherine would wait. For now. How long she could go without snapping, she did not know. Maybe the best thing was to talk about it, as long as it didn't upset Sara too much.

Pushing these thoughts from her mind, the older woman placed her hand over Sara's on the cold bleachers and the brunette glanced over at her. Catherine smiled encouragingly and then placed a gentle kiss on the other woman's temple. Her breath caressed Sara's cheek and when she pulled away, she was met with darkening eyes.

"Catherine…" Sara's voice was throaty and low.

At the sound of the buzzer, the two women leapt apart in surprise, and then laughed nervously. Sara wrapped one arm around her girlfriend as Lindsey came barreling toward them. "Did you see me? I got four points!"

"We saw, we saw!" Catherine handed her daughter a water bottle. "Thirsty?"

The girl nodded and took a big gulp. "Did you see they had Joanna Barkman guard me? And I got passed her anyway."

"Is Joanna that giant forward?"

"Yeah. She's really scary, but she's slow."

"And you're our little speed demon, huh?" Sara grinned and ruffled the girl's hair.

"That's me!" Lindsey beamed and looked over her shoulder. "I gotta go talk to Coach before the second half starts." She started to trot off, then halted and turned around. "Can I go to Jaelyn's house for dinner after the game? She got the new playstation for her birthday."

"Have you finished your homework?"

The little blonde's shoulders drooped. "Almost. Mom, its Friday…"

Catherine looked over at Sara who shrugged. "We'll think about it- you go play your best."

"Remember the jump shot technique we practiced!" Sara called out, then added, "I'm proud of you!"

Catherine laughed lightly and Sara turned to her, frowning, "What?"

Catherine slapped her arm playfully. "Look at you, gettin' your mom groove on."

Sara blushed. "It just seemed like the right thing to say."

Catherine rested her head on her girlfriend's shoulder. "It was. I love that you two are getting along so well. She really looks up to you, you know."

"She does?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. She's acting like a kid again. After Eddie…she must have aged five years trapped in that car. But now she's bouncing off the walls, making friends. I think she really loves having you around."

"Good." Sara turned her focus on the resuming game. "I like having her around too."

"And I like having both of my girls." Catherine kept half an eye on the game, clapping when Lindsey made a free throw. "So, if we send the munchkin off to Jaelyn's after the game, we'll have the house to ourselves for a few hours…"

A smile sneaked across Sara's face. "Oh, yeah? What would we do with all that free time?"

"Hmm…I'm sure we could think of something." Catherine nuzzled her nose against Sara's neck.

Sara jumped, then snorted, "Stop that! It tickles." Catherine repeated her action and Sara laughed out loud before pushing the redhead away gently. "Will you focus on the game? You're driving me crazy."

Catherine grinned slyly. "That's the idea…"

**XXXX**

Having sent a victorious basketball star off to battle on playstation, Catherine and Sara decided to make the evening easier by picking up takeout on the way home.

"Where's my saag paneer?" Sara asked as she took a seat on the couch.

Catherine wrinkled her nose as she reached into her bag and passed the offending green sludge to her girlfriend. "How can you eat that?"

Sara shrugged. "Its just spinach and cheese and spices." She pointed at the redhead's tandoori chicken skewers. "How can you eat flesh on a stick?"

Catherine smiled as she bit into her first bite. "Its delicious," she said through a mouthful. "I love Indian food." She chewed and swallowed. "Want to put in a movie?"

The brunette checked her watch. "Sure, we've got time. What do you want to watch?"

It was Catherine's turn to shrug. "Something light- I don't want to watch two hours of blood and guts and then see it all over again when we get to work."

Sara got down on her knees to go through the DVDs under the television. She grinned, "How about Lizzie Maguire?"

Catherine pulled her eyes away from Sara's backside to groan, "_Anything_ but that."

Sara laughed. Lindsey's favorite movie had been in the DVD player way too much in the past few weeks.

"I don't care really. Put in something we can forget about as soon as you press play." Catherine winked.

Sara was grateful for the romantic lighting, hoping it would hide her uncharacteristic blush. "Well, what's the point in even putting one in then?"

The older woman's expression was feral, "Exactly my point."

Sara moved back to the couch, throwing a pillow to hit Catherine in the face.

"Hey!"

"You're the one who wanted to watch a movie in the first place!"

"Well, I did. But then I saw you're cute ass and I changed my mind." Catherine cackled at the look Sara gave her. Setting down her tandoori chicken, she stood, wiped her hand on her jeans, and offered it to the other woman. She smiled. "Wanna fool around upstairs?"

Sara rolled her eyes, but returned the smile and took the outstretched hand. "Why not?"

So, abandoning their 'dinner and a movie' plan, the women moved their party for two down the hall and to the bedroom. Catherine kicked off her shoes, making her a few inches shorter than the already barefoot brunette. She wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck, looking deep into her eyes for a moment. "Hey," she whispered, pushing up on her tiptoes to press their foreheads together.

Sara ran a hand over Catherine's temple and down one side of her face before she bridged the gap between their lips.

The kiss began sweetly, but quickly grew more heated, eliciting a sigh from one of the women. After a minute, Catherine walked them backwards until the backs of her legs hit the bed. They pulled apart briefly as Catherine scooted up the blankets and Sara came around to sit beside her. She took the redhead's face in her hands and they began again. Catherine couldn't help but smile into the kiss, and Sara used the opportunity to push her tongue past the other woman's lips. Catherine groaned and slid her tongue along Sara's, simultaneously pulling the brunette down until they lay side by side. Neither woman came up for air for several minutes. When they finally separated, it was with chests heaving and hearts pounding.

"Wow." Catherine said quietly, looking from Sara's lips to her eyes and back.

"What?" Sara whispered, tucking hair back behind her ear.

Catherine shook her head. "Nothing. I just love kissing you." She leaned forward to leave a trail of gentle kisses up the brunette's jaw to her ear, and grinned as she felt Sara shudder under her breath. "Can't get enough."

Sara grunted her agreement as she sought out the other woman's lips once more. The younger woman's hand slipped from its place on Catherine's neck, down over her shoulder and arm, to finally take up residence in the soft curve just above her hip. She used her new grip to pull the redhead closer.

Catherine wrapped her arm around Sara's waist as she stroked her foot down the length of the other woman's calf, intertwining their legs.

After long minutes of passionate exchange, Sara's hand slipped under Catherine's top, scratching lightly at the bare skin she found there. She was rewarded as the smaller woman whimpered softly and thrust her hips forward. The brunette's body flushed while her stomach flipped and she returned the intimate pressure. Catherine felt the younger woman begin to give way, relaxing into the closeness they shared. Her hand mimicked Sara's move and slithered up under the other woman's shirt. Her kisses left the brunette's lips and made their way down her neck to brush over her collarbone. Sara hummed her appreciation, running her fingers up and over the redhead's ribcage. It was Catherine's turn to shudder with pleasure. In a moment of boldness, she raised a hand to rest on Sara's chest; she could feel the other woman's hardening nipple rubbing against her palm. She heard the brunette suck in her breath, and froze.

Sara pulled back reluctantly, breathing ragged. "We should stop…"

Catherine could not disguise her frustrated groan. She propped her head up on one elbow. "Why?"

The taller woman sat up, readjusting her top. She looked away from her girlfriend. "Are you angry?"

Catherine sighed. "Angry? No. Horny? You bet your life."

"I'm sorry."

The redhead reached out to touch Sara's face. "Don't apologize, just talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

**XXXX**

**What did you think???? I must know! Reviews are ever so inspirational! You review, I post! Review, post! Review, post! You are getting very sleepy…**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello, my lovelies! Believe me, I know this was a long time coming, no excuses except the same ones sited in my recent update of Reunions & Revelations. But the good news is that I seem to be greatly inspired by my new home, and with any luck, the updates will continue at a more regular rate now.**

**Enjoy the new chapter- don't forget to tell me what you think!**

**XXX**

Sara chuckled, playfully slapping the hand on her stomach, "You have got to get out of here."

Catherine tore her lips from her girlfriend's neck. "Why?" she pouted.

"Someone is going to walk in here and then I'll have to turn you in." Sara laughed again as the kisses resumed and then her earlobe was captured between eager lips.

"Turn me in? For what?"

The brunette finally set her files down on the layout table and turned to meet those seductive lips with her own. "Officer," she mumbled between quick, firm kisses, "CSI Willows told Grissom she was going on her lunch break but then she came in here and started eating my neck…"

Catherine broke away, laughing. Then she came back, pushing Sara's hips into the table with her own. She gave a slight groan. "Well, can you blame me? You're just so delicious."

The kissing commenced once more and, for a moment, Sara forgot the case at hand and the risk of being caught. Things were great. Beyond great. Sara was convinced that she had never had it this good before in her life. At twenty-eight weeks pregnant, she and the baby were in perfect health, and heading into the home stretch- the third trimester. But that was just one of the reasons for her happiness. The other was right here, right now, kissing her, sending fire through every vein in her body.

She couldn't imagine life being better than this. How could things have changed so quickly? Six months ago could she have dreamed things would turn out this way? With her arms around this amazing woman, about to embark on this incredible adventure with her baby?

She did have one fear, even though she realized it was probably stupid. How serious was Catherine about their relationship? There was no doubting the other woman's sincere affection for her, and there was an obvious mutual sexual attraction between them. But sometimes, Catherine seemed to get frustrated with her, and there was always that part of Sara's mind that said that Catherine could do a lot better. _Why would she choose me?_ Sara forced herself not to think about it. She knew she was in love with Catherine. She had tried to fight it, but she'd failed miserably. And now there was no way around it; she loved Catherine Willows. That at least was a happy thought. Reluctantly, she pulled back, a great big grin on her face.

"Now you really have to go." She started to push the redhead away but then pulled her back for another brief smooch.

Catherine laughed against her girlfriend's lips. "I know, I know. Its just," kiss, "between kissing you and paperwork? Not exactly a competition." They kissed warmly once more. "Besides, how tempting is it to just let someone catch us?"

Sara laughed, "It sounds like a good idea," she pulled the smaller woman as close to her as she could. "But you know we'd regret it."

Catherine groaned and nuzzled her face against the other woman's neck. "You're probably right." She snorted, "But how great would it be to see Gil's face right now?"

Before Sara could let out a laugh, there was a deep cough from the door way and a none too pleased voice said, "Here's your chance."

The two women looked at each other and gulped. They turned, still wrapped in each other's embrace to see their supervisor standing in the doorway, several file folders tucked under one arm. His eyes were impossible to read as he looked pointedly at the redhead. "Catherine, my office. Now." He turned and stalked down the hall.

"Shit." Catherine disentangled herself from Sara but turned back at the door. Her girlfriend was trembling and her eyes were wide with panic. "Its okay," she reassured, "Its going to be okay." She reached out and touched the brunette's arm. "I'll make everything okay." With that she left the room, put on her 'tough girl' attitude, and prepared for battle. _Shit_ was an understatement. She could tell by the tone of his voice, this was not going to be pretty.

She knocked on her boss's door.

"Come in."

Catherine entered, ready to sit down across the table from Gil and give him a piece of her mind. To her surprise, her supervisor was standing, pacing actually, and not seated at all. It threw her off for a moment. "Uh, Gil?"

He looked up instantly, eyes as full of fury as she'd ever seen them. She stepped back a pace. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

Her shoulders straightened at the challenge, "As a matter of fact-"

"She's about to have a baby, Catherine, what the hell are you thinking?"

"She's about to what?" Catherine feigned shock. "Have a baby? Are you sure?" She put a hand through her hair. "I spend every waking moment with her, Gil, and I hold her every night, you think I don't know she's about to have a baby?"

Grissom whirled, shock in his eyes. "You- wait what? Every night? I thought…" He went silent for a minute. "You mean you're…the two of you…you're together? In a relationship?"

It was Catherine's eyes that were blazing now, as she turned on her friend, not caring if she was shouting. "Of course we're in relationship, what do you take me for? You think I just fuck anyone who comes my way for the hell of it?" Grissom looked away, but she did not miss his slight blush. "You do. You did. You actually thought I would use Sara just to get laid? What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you knew me better than that."

The man's voice grew louder as well, "Hell, Catherine, we both know you've done some pretty stupid things in the name-"

"It is _so_ very important to your wellbeing that you do not finish that sentence."

"Threatening your superior? What has gotten into you? First you take on Sara like some pet project, now you're bedding her? What's-"

Catherine lost all control. "_Bedding her?_ Bedding. Her. That's what you think I'm doing? For Christ's sake, Gil! Wake up and smell reality! I'm not bedding her, you idiot, I'm in love with her!"

Gilbert Grissom went pale as ice. "In love?"

"Yes!" Catherine suddenly felt tired, her voice dropped. "Yes, in love. I love her. I'm in love with her, I-"

The door swung open and a panting Sara stood in the doorway. "You what?"

The older woman was immediately by her girlfriend's side. "Hon, were you running?"

"I'm fine." Sara took a deep breath. She held up a hand. "I'm fine, I just…I was down the hall and I heard you and I thought you said…"

"I love you." Catherine covered Sara's mouth with her own. When she pulled back, they were both breathless. "I love you."

Sara smiled softly. "That's what I thought you said."

"I'm sorry it came out like this, I would have found some more romantic time, I just…"

Sara pressed two fingers against the other woman's lips, unable to wipe the smile off her face. "It's okay. I feel the same way."

Catherine kept talking, "He was just going on and on and I didn't want him thinking even for one second that I-" Sara's words caught up with her and she looked up into those dark, hope filled eyes. "You do?"

Sara put their foreheads together as she nodded. "Mhm. I love you, Catherine. So, so much."

Catherine felt tears well up in her eyes as she began to laugh, and she felt two strong arms wrap around her. "Shit." She wiped at her eyes carefully, trying to keep her makeup tidy. "Sorry, I, uh…" She grinned up at the woman holding her and laughed again.

The man beside them was nothing short of flabbergasted. "I don't believe this."

Both women, holding each other and sniffing, smiled. "Try," they said dryly, in unison and then laughed again before kissing sweetly.

"Well, I'm glad you think its funny." Grissom was still in shock. He finally sank heavily into his chair. "How long has this, er, have you…?"

Catherine never stopped looking into Sara's eyes. "Almost six weeks." She beamed. Sara loved her! She felt like a giddy teenager, and Gil could stuff it for all she cared.

"What do you expect me to say to this…development?"

Sara smiled down at her love. "Well, Gris, you could say… 'congratulations, I'm glad you've found each other. I hope you'll be very happy'."

"You know I can't condone this, don't you? What am I going to tell Ecklie?"

Catherine rolled her eyes before resting her cheek against Sara's. "You can tell Ecklie that he can get on his knees and kiss my-"

"Holy shit!" came a familiar voice from the open door. "We were down the hall and we heard…No way! Are you kidding me? That's…that's…"

"Awesome."

"No, that's…"

"Really cool."

"Well yeah, but no, I mean, that's…"

"Hot. The word you're looking for is 'hot'."

"…Yeah…"

The women laughed again. Maybe they should have been more worried that the boys were hurrying into the room, drowning them in a flurry of rapid fire questions. And maybe they should have been more concerned about what Grissom really would tell Ecklie. But at that moment, neither woman could find the urge to care.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Sara's POV XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When she left to go kill Grissom, I had this horrible feeling inside my chest. What would she tell him? Don't get me wrong, I knew she would stand by me, but in what capacity? I wandered aimlessly down the hall, letting myself sink further into my panic with every step. Who in their right mind would take on all of me in the first place? Even if I wasn't a walking human incubator.

I thought back on the relationships I'd had. This was the first one I was truly afraid to lose. I'd opened my heart to Catherine. Okay, I'd tried not to, and okay, there was still a lot she didn't know about my life, but I was getting there. I wanted what was growing between us, what I hoped she felt too, I wanted it to last. At night, while she slept, I let my mind run wild with ideas for the future- things I never would have thought possible before, suddenly seemed attainable when we were wrapped in each other's arms.

We could be a family, us and Lindsey and the baby. Was that getting way ahead of myself? You bet. But I couldn't keep my thoughts away from noisy Thanksgiving dinners or blissful days spent at the park. My love for Catherine grew all the time, and I knew that what she said in there to Gil could make or break my heart. I leaned up against the glass wall, wondering what was being said. And then I didn't have to wonder anymore.

I heard her shouting first. _"You think I just fuck anyone who comes my way for the hell of it?"_

And then, _"You actually thought I would use Sara just to get laid? What the hell is wrong with you?"_

That eased the pressure in my chest somewhat. I'd known she wasn't just in it for the sex- mainly because we hadn't had sex yet. But I was glad to hear her tell someone else it wasn't just a physical attraction. Catherine seemed content to wait until I was ready, and even though I knew she was as desperate as a big part of me was to take that step, she waited. She was even willing to wait for an explanation. Surely that was a sign of dedication? But I still wondered.

And that's when I heard it; _"I'm not bedding her, you idiot, I'm in love with her!"_

Love. There was that word.

And then suddenly I was walking fast down the hall, opening the door- screw knocking, I had to hear her say it to my face. Had she really just said…? And when I felt her lips on mine, the words echoing in my ears, I knew it was true, I could feel it. Catherine Willows loved me. Me!

I was laughing and smiling like a maniac, and the world around me blurred until my whole world was her- where her body touched mine, how beautiful a person she truly was. And the boys were patting us on the back, talking all at once. Grissom sat staring at us slack-jawed, and apparently speechless- none of it mattered. Maybe its corny, but time stood still for us. And even though we weren't in some romantic setting with fountains and cherubs and roses, in a way, we were. For that moment, our world was worlds away. I couldn't look away from her and her laughter was bell-like in my ears.

Catherine Willows was in love with me. I didn't know why, and something told me not to question it. But she loved me. _Me._

**XXX**

**So? A bit sappy at the end, I know, but I think it needed to be done. Agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear it in a review! Because studies have shown that there is a direct relationship between quality and quantity of reviews and shorter gaps between updates. So seriously, let's rock this shit and fill that inbox with reviews, people!**


	17. Chapter 17

01/28/2012

**A/N: Yes! I have completed this update! It only took me ten **_**million**_** years! But I have done it. So, for reasons that shall become obvious when you read it, this was a really hard update to write. It also happens to be the part that was really the most important part I wanted to get across when I originally started writing this fic. And it earns me my M rating. So it was doubly and triply hard to write too. Throw in the fact that I am a lazy ass and have had zero inspiration for Cara fic in lets say…from my last update of this until…now, and that pretty much sums up all of my reasons for this being insanely late and overdue!**

**But all of your lovely encouraging words for everything I've posted recently and all of your pleas for a Sara's Baby update have inspired me to get off my ass, or rather sit on my ass, and write. So, voila. Proof that your reviews really do make a difference. I will warn you that this is a little heavy, mentions rape, and sets the stage for everything to come. So…no pressure! Enjoy and, as always, review!**

**Doodaloodledoo…read!**

Catherine shut the door as quietly as possible when she entered the house, just in case Sara had gone to sleep and not waited up for her. She had made Sara leave shift on time because she had seemed antsy and irritable- and more than a little tired. But Catherine herself had stayed late, wrapping up a solo case she'd pulled the night before. Now the sun was up, the sky was bright, and she couldn't wait to collapse into bed beside her girlfriend.

She set her keys and bag on the hall table and then ducked into the living room; Sara often read downstairs on days that she waited up or couldn't sleep. But there was no sign of her. Just in case, the redhead checked the kitchen as well. There was no Sara, but something caught her eye. Catherine frowned at the empty coffee pot. Sara coveted the single cup a day that the doctor allowed her, always racing to the kitchen the instant they got home. But not today, apparently. Catherine shrugged it off. Maybe she had just been really tired. Sara was more tired these days, and understandably so. At nearly thirty weeks, the baby was viable, weighed several pounds and took every ounce of energy she had.

In the two weeks since their declarations of love in the boss's office, their life had taken on a quiet routine. Catherine felt like they had settled into their relationship and it was…comfortable, now. And sleeping with her girlfriend was just about her favorite part of the day. Snuggling and touching. Sometimes they fooled around, but since Sara still seemed hesitant, more often than not, it was just basking in each other's company. And Catherine could certainly use some of that after the night she'd had.

Tiredly, Catherine padded up the stairs and down the hall to the bedroom; the door was slightly ajar. She peaked in and was surprised to see the bed was still made up. Odd. Sara's car was here, so where was Sara? The shower maybe? Catherine came into the room, a few steps bringing her to the bathroom door. She was about to knock when she felt strong arms come from behind and slide around her middle. She jumped, a little startled.

"Good morning," Sara's unmistakable voice and the now familiar baby bump against her back relaxed her immediately.

Catherine smiled, looking back and up at her girlfriend. "Hey, you." She lifted up on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to the brunette's lips. "Why aren't you in bed?"

Sara brushed their noses and cheeks together softly. "Waiting for you," she said, by way of explanation. She turned Catherine around in her arms, moving warm hands up her body to tangle in her hair and pull the older woman in for a firm, adamant kiss.

Catherine willingly kissed her back, responding automatically to the touch, but she could tell right away that something was a little off. This kiss was different from the many that had come before it, and as Sara's hands slipped from her hair and down her neck to cup her jaw, Catherine could sense the desperation of her movements. Still, Sara seemed to be fine, so she reveled in the sensations that filled her for a while longer. When the younger woman finally broke the lip lock, the redhead took a step back, wanting to question her. But Sara was having none of it; she closed the distance between them again, latching onto Catherine's pulse point. Catherine's eyes slammed shut as she took in the feeling of Sara's lips on her body. She was dimly aware of the buttons on her blouse being undone.

"Mmm." She hummed quietly and brought her hands to Sara's sides, slipping her fingertips under the cotton tank top.

Sara's lips smiled against her skin. Her chuckle was dark. And sexy. Her teeth grazed Catherine's neck and Catherine. Was. Lost. If it hadn't felt so good and if she hadn't been so ready; if she hadn't been waiting for this moment for just so damn long, she would have known- she would have _known_ that something was wrong. As it was, any doubts she might have had were pushed from her brain as soon as Sara's hands covered her breasts. She gasped and clung to her partner, her fingernails scraping against the brunette's ribcage.

And when Sara's lips came up to crash against hers, she gave as good as she got. Tongues twisted and lashed and the only gentle movement in the next ten minutes came when, naked, she gingerly pushed the other, equally bare, woman back into the sheets. She was beautiful, just as Catherine knew she would be. Laying beside her, the redhead ghosted a hand down Sara's body from her heaving chest to her rounded breast and erect brown nipple, over her swollen belly and on to stop just above her heated apex. Catherine pushed herself up onto one elbow and brought her lips to within an inch of Sara's, fingertips idly brushing through dark curls.

"I love you," she whispered, just before she kissed the woman below her.

Sara kissed her, seemingly eagerly in return and then nodded her accent and widened her legs in invitation. And Catherine, moving her kisses to Sara's neck, then clavicle, took it. Her thumb pad moved against a warm inner thigh in comfort and then…heat. Blissful, liquid heat as she slid two slick fingers from entrance to clit and back again. She groaned her own desire and teased Sara's opening with one finger. The brunette gasped and her hips bucked impatiently. Catherine bit tenderly at one nipple as she slipped a first finger into her lover's channel. It was…amazing. And before long, Catherine was adding the width of a second finger to her slow, rhythmic thrusting. As she began kissing her way over the brunette's belly, Sara's entire body quivered and then shuddered. Had she orgasmed? With barely any attention paid to her clit?

It was then that Catherine started to realize that something was off. Sara's gasps were not coming in time with her thrusts. Nor were her shudders. Catherine's fingers slowed, then stopped as her eyes focused on Sara's face. Sara's tear-streaked, grimacing face. _Oh, god. _As abruptly as it had begun, it was all over.

Ice ran through Catherine's veins. "Sara?" In a heartbeat, the redhead unfolded from her intimate position, withdrew her fingers from inside her love, and was moving up the bed. "Sara? Sara, please…"

The younger woman shook her head violently, eyes shut tight, as she fought to keep her sobs silent. Quickly, Catherine pulled the blankets over them both and hesitantly placed a hand on Sara's shoulder. But the brunette stiffened and Catherine quickly withdrew the touch, feeling helpless. "Sara? Please, please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. I…I'm so sorry…I-" her own tears were forming now as she tried to figure out what had just happened.

A particularly deep sob wracked Sara as she gasped for air, "Cath, please don't," gasp, "leave, I- I'm sorry, I'll try…again, I just-"

Catherine stopped short. _Sara had NOT just said…wait what?_ "What? Sara, what are you talking about?"

But Sara could only sob again. Catherine's mind raced over what had just taken place, her brain wildly trying to grasp at any clue as to what might be happening. She thought back to coming home and into the room and…the coffee hadn't been made and…Sara had almost been…lying in wait. And up until this morning Sara had never wanted to…oh, god. Catherine closed her eyes. _Oh, God._ She was going to be sick.

"Sara." She held her breath to fight off her own break down. "Sara, please tell me, _please_ tell me you did _not_ do this because you thought…it was what I wanted." She said it like it was so much lead dropping from her mouth.

Sara's dam cracked and broke. The flood came and her sobs were loud and wrenching; her words were barely audible beneath them. But Catherine heard each one like it was stabbing into her ear. And her heart. "I thought I could…do it" she sobbed, "I thought- you want to, I know you do, I see it, you…you wish we would. And I tried! I thought if I just pushed past it! If I just ignored the voice that makes me stop…but it doesn't feel right!" She choked and gasped. "It should feel like…but it doesn't! And I want you to want me and want…everything. But I know you! You need this, and I can't…I can't give it to you…" she ended weakly and her head fell to the pillow as she continued to cry.

She really was going to be sick. Catherine felt her stomach heave with her revulsion at herself and the situation. She forced the bile back from her throat with an effort of will. "Oh, Sara." Her tears came now. Wet and hot, they came in a torrent. "Oh, _Sara._" She reached a hand out, but once again the brunette moved away. "Let me touch you," she whispered. "_Please_ let me touch you."

Sara sniffed and nodded, willing herself not to move when the redhead's hand came to gingerly cradle her face. As soon as she felt it, felt the warmth in that touch, she relaxed. This was Catherine, she reminded herself. Catherine would never hurt her. Not on purpose.

"I am so sorry. I am so…_so_ sorry. I just…" Catherine tried to clear her head, she tried to say the right thing. It was so very important that she say this right. "I never wanted anything like this." Their eyes met and held. "I love you. You are amazing and strong and wonderful and…perfect for me. And you're right, I do want to be with you in any way that will bring us closer together. And making love…would do that." Her thumb brushed over Sara's cheek, wiping at a stray tear. "But only when its making love and not a second before. Making love requires the consent of both partners, Sara, and if you aren't ready then it doesn't happen."

"But you," Sara protested, "you like-"

"Sex. I do. I like sex. And right up until you, I had sex with almost every single romantic partner I ever had within the first few dates. And more than once I had sex with people I had no intention of ever becoming romantic with. But Sara, that's sex. It's a recreational activity that also, I may add, requires the consent of everyone involved." Catherine looked her girlfriend dead in the face. "Anything less than complete consent is _rape,_ Sara."

The brunette flinched at the word and pulled her head out of the other woman's grasp. Catherine didn't miss it.

"That's what it is." She continued in a hushed tone, "And what I just did to you was-"

"No." Sara looked horror struck. "No, Catherine, that is not what that was, that was…my fault, I wasn't ready and I pushed you," she began to hyperventilate again, "and- and don't think for one second that you ever made me feel like…like that…that way. You didn't, I always feel safe when I'm with you, I didn't, you didn't, you wouldn't-"

"Okay, hush, okay, it's okay." Catherine didn't touch Sara, but she moved closer under the covers, ready to catch her if she overbalanced. "Calm down, babe, shh…breathe, just breathe." It was several minutes before Sara was quiet again, and by the end of it, she was in Catherine's arms.

"God, this is such a mess," she finally spoke into the other woman's arm. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cath. I feel really stupid right now. I don't know why I tried to force myself…I just thought…I don't know, I just want you to love me."

"I already love you. I'm so in love with you, Sar." She kissed the top of the brunette's head. "Why did you think you had to do this?"

"Because I want you to keep being in love with me. I know you say you'll wait now, but what if you have to wait a long time?"

"Then I'll wait." There was no uncertainty in her voice at all, no hesitation. "I will wait until you are one hundred percent ready."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"Then I will buy a vibrator with a longer battery life, but I will never leave you."

Sara cracked a smile. "I really do want to make love with you, Cath. You're all those things too, you know. Beautiful and perfect for me. Even more perfect than I thought, it turns out." She chuckled self-patronizingly, "I don't know why its easier for me to fuck some guy I barely know and get knocked up than it is to make love with most beautiful woman in the world. That's pretty messed up."

"Not really." Catherine stroked her love's hair. "Its like I said. Sex is just sex. Like volleyball or watching TV or baking cookies. It can be fun, but ultimately its not the really important thing. And this? You and me? This is pretty important. So don't worry about it. I will wait. I don't want to be with anyone but you, but I can wait."

"Even if its forever?" Sara asked skeptically.

"Even if we are at your son's wedding and we haven't made it past second base, I will dance every dance in your arms. I'm not going anywhere, Sara. And if I have to prove it to you everyday _forever_, I will. I'm in love with you, okay?"

Sara grinned. "Okay."

"Now if you wouldn't mind, I am utterly exhausted and would like nothing more than to sleep in your arms. Which is why I came up here _in the first place. _So do you think we could manage that?"

"Yes, I think we could definitely manage that."

"Good." Catherine pulled Sara down and wriggled around until she was in her favorite position with her arm curved protectively under and around Sara's still growing belly. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"I love you, Cath."

The older woman felt fingertips card through hair. "I love you too, Sara. So much."

"Goodnight."

**Zippitydoodahday…the end.**

**Sooooooo…what did you think? Anybody got a guess as to what's gonna happen next? Or am I, in fact, keeping you guessing? Is there anything you guys really want to see? I can't promise sunshine and daisies from here on out, but…well, you know me and happy endings! And if you don't know me and happy endings, the best thing to do is go and read all my stuff (preferably in chronological order so you can see how I've evolved…) and review every single chapter of every single one! But if that sounds like too much work, then you should start out by reviewing this one! Thanks to all who have seen this through since the beginning and I'm sorry about the long wait! With any luck, another update is right around the corner!**


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